Grace for the soul

Tag: family

  • A Dog Called Gamora

    Daily writing prompt
    What is your favorite animal?
    View all responses

    I love dogs! I didn’t always have dogs but around 2010, I got my first dog whose name was Patches. Patches was a rescue we got around the time he was four. He was gorgeous. He had a white coat with black spots that seemed to fade at points. He had such a lovely personality and I nicknamed him The Turkey Thief because one Christmas he stole a turkey and ate it!

    My second dog was Loki. Loki didn’t live very long. I had to put him down when he was three. I had Loki from the time he was eighteen days old. His, was such a tragic story. All he knew from the moment he was born was pain and agony. Loki didn’t do well with people as a result of such deep rooted trauma. His eating and drinking capabilities were also significantly reduced. It was a hard decision, but the right one. He did have lots of love in his short three years.

    My present dog is Gamora. Gamora is half-pug-half-dachshund. Initially, after Loki died, I thought I wouldn’t take another pup. But a breeder was in desperate need to find homes for the pups after a pug (Gamy-girl’s dad) and a dachshund (Gamy-girl’s mum) fell in love and had a litter. Gamora chose me. She’s the first female dog I’ve had and she’s a beauty. I named her Gamora because of how she out-muscled her brother and made me pick her.

    Gamora’s an absolute sweetheart. She’s very different from Patches and Loki. Apart from being much smaller than the both of them, she’s also by far more intelligent. She seems to have problem-solving skills – especially when she sets her sights on something. She’s also incredibly brave in comparison to both Patches and Loki, which is hilarious. The hunter personality from her dachshund DNA is strong and she takes her duties patrolling my garden very seriously.

    I loved Patches and Loki with all my heart. In fact, I still love them. When I think of them, they make me smile. But there’s something about Gamora that has totally captivated me. I don’t know if this makes me bad and if I’m playing favourites here, but this little girl has simply got me. She’s got the most curious little way of worming her way to you. She does a sploot and then starts crawling towards you to give you the biggest, warmest licks of love. It’s her love attack position. She does get you. There’s no winning.

    She’s also incredibly matter-of-fact about what she wants. There’s no two ways. It’s either Gamora’s way or the highway! Every night when we go to bed, the same thing happens. She decides that she wants to sleep in the exact spot that I’m sleeping in. It doesn’t matter if she chooses first – but once we’re settled, she very confidently marches over and creates a space for herself. Even in the dark, you can feel her working it out. She makes you cooperate!

    Gamora loves people. She has a few favourite people who are often in our home. Some babysit her regularly and she shows them special greetings when they arrive. In the mornings, some of our neighbours have to stop by at our gate to greet her and have a moment with her. It’s poignant. I don’t need to be around – it’s their thing with her. Gamora makes her disappointment know if anyone of these gets into their car and drives off without greeting her. It doesn’t matter if they’re rushing off. She expects to be paid homage!

    Gamora also has favourites among delivery people. I dislike going shopping, and I try to reduce my having to go to physical shops by buying stuff online. Gamora has her special routines with some of the more frequent delivery folk. They tell me they love her and that it makes them happy knowing they’re coming to our home. One even told me that he knows our home address because of her! What’s amusing is that they actually take a moment to greet her and engage with her. She loves it.

    If there is one thing that motivates Gamora, it is food. Unfortunately for her, both pugs and dachshunds are prone to weight gain. It shows! It doesn’t help that Gamora is allergic to grass and has to be on some allergy meds, which seem to add to her weight dilemma. She doesn’t appreciate not being given my food, even thought she has just eaten hers. The look of heartbreak she manages to give, as if she’s been starved and abandoned her whole live and never has seen a day of kindness, is simply unmistakable. She’s got chops!

    The most difficult thing for me when it comes to managing Gamora is not having my dad around. When it came to Patches and Loki, my dad’s presence always helped. There are times when I need to be out for work. Patches and Loki always had my dad to fall back on to. Gamora only had my dad for about five and a half months. Saying this, her memory is remarkable. There are moments when she demonstrates her sorrow at his passing. Once the son of a friend who was visiting, a toddler, grabbed my dad’s walking stick from a corner it was in. It surprised me for a moment to see my dad’s walking stick and at the same time, Gamora became very quiet. I thought it was because she wanted to hide from the child. However, the friend left very shortly after that and when I got back inside, I couldn’t locate Gamora. I finally found her curled up next to my dad’s walking stick, looking at it with her sad puppy-dog eyes. It made me cry. This little girl is intuitive.

    I love this little girl and I love this time of my life where I’m working for myself and get to spend time with her. I wouldn’t have it any other way. She’s been such a special little gift to me from God and I am so thankful to him for her.

    Gamora draws people into her little galaxy. She’s full of love, cheer, and mischief. Love you loads, little Gamora!

    Patches and me
    Loki and me
  • A Forward Momentum

    A Forward Momentum

    Psalm 27:13
    I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living!

    I have had an incredibly busy year! It hasn’t been easy because I am nursing a broken heart, after losing my father. Apart from just missing him, there are many practical implications that have arisen. It’s not been easy.

    I started a coaching and training consultancy, called Progressive Pathways Consulting. Essentially, I run coaching and training work, as well as consult with organisations that are seeking to improve the workplace. I do this on the backing of about 18 years of experience in building capacity across different sectors of industry and for different levels of employee- from the C-suite levels to tea ladies, cleaners, and drivers. It’s interesting work.

    I’m in the middle of writing a book about kindness in the workplace under a publishing contract from Penguin Random House. This is both exciting and positive as events go!

    I have also launched my own podcast called Pathways to Thriving, which aims to listen to diverse voices from all over. I am hoping to grow my subscribers so that I can really get these voices heard.

    All these have been positive things and some of the other wonderful things this year have been a visit to Istanbul in January, which really made me fall in love with the city. Another brilliant event was the launch party for my consultancy. I chose to do it on 8 March- International Women’s Day. It was so precious having so many wonderful folk join me.

    In the middle of the year, I hosted a birthday drop in for myself. I was missing the two great loves in my life – my mum and dad. It felt hard to celebrate my birthday and when a friend told me that she hoped I would do something to honour their memory, I felt it was only right. It was a lovely day!

    In August, I had little celebrations too – for submitting the full book in by the end of July deadline. Three and a half months to write a book, without AI, but totally reliant on God’s grace, is something I absolutely had to give thanks for!

    There were some wobbles after August, in that I was very busy in September up to the first week of December. I learnt a lot about how I need to pace myself work wise, but the joy I had of being in such close proximity to the Kuala Lumpur Twin Towers is something else!

    I did get a wonderful opportunity to take a break in October, which worked as a wonderful reset button. The friend I travelled with, the weather – yes, even the rain, our gorgeous sea view room, plus reading a book I’d bought in Istanbul in January, all contributed to a real sense of rest. So beautiful!

    I find myself in December and to alleviate the stress of not doing a big Christmas, I hosted a little Santa Paws and Birthday Pawty to celebrate little Gamora’s birthday and kickstart Christmas cheer. Family came for lunch and we had a lovely time! My little nephew and niece, alongside Gamora, took noise levels to a new high. Brilliant! The two older nieces who are turning out to be fine young ladies, always warm my heart when the arrive. The family was beautiful!

    The evening saw friends arriving with new gusto. I think little Gamora was a bit tired by then, but it was lovely sitting around, chatting, eating, and playing games that my brilliant friend had put together! My heart is full.

    At the base of it all, my heart is still broken by the absence of my father and mother. God knows how much this hurts. But I thank Him for His goodness and mercies to me- for there have been so many wonderful blessings that have propelled me forward. I’m truly in awe of Him. Perhaps this is the most positive of all events – every time there is a movement in my heart that recognises grace, I am blessed beyond belief. Thank You, Lord Jesus, for the grace you have bestowed upon me!

    The Hagia Sofia
    Launch of Progressive Pathways Consulting 8.3.2025
    Progressive Pathways Consulting podcast
    The Kuala Lumpur Twin Towers at dawn
    A much needed break
    Family at the Santa Paws Birthday Pawty 6.12.2025
    My friends at the Santa Paws Birthday Pawty
    My little nephew and niece with Gamora & me
    My grown up nieces who are turning into fine women!

  • Layers and Ingredients of My Home

    If you’re like me and you like baking, it is likely you often have conversations about it. I love it when friends or family send me pics of what they’ve made and share the experience of how the baking process went. I like doing the same as well.

    There are certain periods, such as the build-up to special celebrations or around Christmas, where conversations about baking and trialing become rife.  Whilst it may not be everyone’s cup of tea, I absolutely love it.

    A friend had popped into my mind as I put a Christmas fruitcake into the oven yesterday. Last year, she had made a fruitcake using a recipe of a friend of hers who had tragically passed away. So, I dropped her a note, and inevitably, we discussed making fruitcake.

    She mentioned how she loved the smell of the house when something has been baking. At that moment, the thing that had been pressing on my mind was the quality of the fruit I’d got this year. The cake supply shop that I’ve been going to for slightly over two decades had shut.

    There are some major baking franchise outlets in my town. They are well-known ones, but as I picked up dried fruit for the fruitcake, I couldn’t help but notice the difference. Even when I cut up the fruit, I couldn’t help but think that they were much dryer than what I was used to. This came up in my conversation with my friend. I told my friend how I had instinctively set aside a few more egg whites for whisking, in the event the batter was dryer than usual, as a result of the fruit.

    She commended me on my quick-thinking and went on to tease me for being a perfectionist in my baking. It was such an innocent comment, but it brought a whole load of memories flooding back to my mind.

    I saw it as clear as day as I typed out my response about the strength of the memory associations that I had related to the dried fruit. At the core of it was how much I am missing my mum and dad.

    When I first started baking at 13 years of age, baking supplies like dried fruit, weren’t easily available in the town I lived in. My dad would have to drive me to the city to get them. I remember my mum making calls to ask an aunt where they could be got, and my father, diligently driving me to get them.

    When I first started baking, my parents weren’t sure if my interest was just a fad or if it was something that was going to grow. My mum was never much of a cook or baker, and we didn’t have an oven. I used an ovenette, which was quite horrific because you couldn’t control the heat. Since fruitcakes took a long time to bake, my mum and dad would help me play around with the heat, by turning the ovenette off for a minute or two, just to make sure the cake wouldn’t burn.

    They loved the fruitcake and other cakes that I made, and by the time I was 15, they decided to buy me one of those big gas stoves with an oven at the bottom. I used that stove till 2020, when the freak flood that impacted my home destroyed it! Even with my new oven (at the time), supplies weren’t so easily available. My parents supported my baking through this. My mum would help me calculate what was needed and write a list, and my dad would drive me to get all the stuff I needed.

    Maybe when I was about 17, things started changing. More things were available in my town. Sometime after I got back from university, the cake supplies shop opened up in the housing estate next to mine. I could walk to it, but usually, I drove because it wasn’t easy carrying home stuff that I had bought.

    That cake supplies shop wasn’t a fancy shop at all. It was small and friendly, which I loved. The couple that ran it used to import dehydrated fruit from a family-run business in the US. The quality of the fruit was so notably different, that the first time I bought it, even my parents commented on how fresh it all was. I think as a family, we appreciated the turn of events.

    These memories are very strong for me. When mum died in 2006, I found it hard to think of baking or anything. It was papa who slowly encouraged me to get back to it. Until he passed away in 2023, he was always an eager volunteer for tasting anything that came out of my oven.

    Remembering this has made me realize why I feel a sense of deep sadness when I bake. When mummy passed away, that sadness came to reside. It has never left. Now with papa’s passing, it has taken up more space within. Oddly enough, I don’t want it to leave. It connects me to papa and mummy.

    This simple act of buying ingredients and baking, make me feel such a strong connection to the home I once knew. This memory makes me see that so clearly. This is the home that shaped me – from my faith, to every mistake I’ve made, and every success I’ve achieved. It is the home that both my dad, Stephen and my mum, Leela, with all their imperfections built for me. It is the home I miss dearly.

    I am grateful to God for my friend’s comment that triggered this entire memory. I am thankful to Him for the parents He blessed me with. I cannot thank Him enough. One of the Psalms that I like is Psalm 34, which is a Psalm of my favourite king David. Some of the verses in this Psalm are astounding:

    • I will bless the LORD at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth (Psalm 34: 1)
    • My soul makes its boast in the LORD; let the humble hear and be glad (Psalm 34: 2)
    • Those who look to him (the LORD) are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed (Psalm 34: 5)
    • Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! (Psalm 34: 8)
    • The LORD is near to the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalm 34: 18)

    There’s a lot more to this Psalm, but I like these verses because they are full of hope, and because they bless the LORD and recognize his goodness. The interesting thing about it all is that when David wrote this Psalm, his home at the palace was under threat because of king Saul.

    David had fled into Philistine territory, which was enemy territory, and in order to survive this, he pretended to be out of his mind. It is hard to imagine how low one would have to be to act this way. It was an awful, awful time.

    My life isn’t on the line like David’s was, and I am writing from far more comfortable settings than the Adullam caves, where he was likely hiding out. I know there is a debate on whether David sinned by feigning madness. Whilst I haven’t pretended to be mad (and let me just stop you right there, if you even think it’s because I don’t need to pretend!), I know that I have been called out for the sadness that I have felt.

    I have spoken and written about this sadness. There have been times when I’ve been told that my faith is weak, and that I am not showing good Christian character when I express this sadness. I’ve been told that I am not showing strength.

    It has been awful dealing with these. One of the comments after papa passed away was to the extent that since I had the experience of losing my mum, this wouldn’t be so hard to deal with. Who are they kidding? Do they know how present he was in my life?

    I may be in my own version of the Adullam caves (with plumbing and without bats). My home as I knew and loved it, is no more. It is hard to explain this feeling to many people. I don’t have brothers or sisters who grew up alongside me. The only two people who shared in the most significant parts of my history, are no longer here. There’s so much of me that they knew, which no one else knew. There are elements of me that they brought out, which no one else can. Their absence as individuals and as a unit in my life is something I feel so keenly.

    Yet, I hope that it is clear that despite this feeling of sadness, I have such a strong sense of thankfulness and gratefulness to God. He has given me so much for which I can only be thankful. When I look back at my parents and process our ups and downs, I can only say that I have been extraordinarily blessed.

    I don’t need to prove the strength of my faith or character to anyone. This isn’t a dance that I’ll be doing. I miss my mum and dad so very much. I miss them unashamedly.

    Papa and mummy, thank you for teaching me this faith. Thank you for growing me in Christ, and for helping me see that there is so much more ahead because of Jesus. I thank God for this blessing He gave me through you both. I thank Him for this memory that has triggered such a strong feeling of connection to you. Bless the Lord, indeed!