When I was six, I wanted to be a lawyer.
It’s a rather full-on season for me. Literally weeks after setting up my consultancy, I started writing a book on kindness in the workplace. My partial manuscript was accepted by a publisher and I said I’d finish my writing by 31 July 2025. I submitted my full manuscript to the published by that date. It was 3.5 months in total of writing. Over and above this, I’ve been busy with a podcast that’s on the verge of a rebrand and I’ve been trying to grow a business.
It’s been a lot to manage. I have been very conscious of how much grace I’ve received to be able to have written my book in that amount of time. And no … I didn’t use AI to write. I can’t stand how it sounds. It’s a lot more dramatic in ways that I’m not and it’s exceedingly polished. That’s another thing that I’m not. I did appreciate its research capabilities, though. I had reports and books that I referred to in my work, and it was able to help me look for things that contradicted what was being said or find me the latest articles. That was outstanding, even though I needed to double check that it wasn’t hallucinating.
The podcast has also been rolling along. The technicalities of the podcast are the bits that I struggle with the most and these are crucial to growing the audience. So, it’s been a learn as you go process, which has been an interesting journey. My podcast guests have been amazing. I am beyond grateful.
Growing a business is challenging. There are meetings you attend and sometimes you secure a client. Sometimes you don’t. There is work you get to do. Usually this is the best part for me. I love what I do. There’s been a lot of clarity that’s been forming in terms of direction. I can see that I want so dearly to create workplaces that are kind. This is my passion and this is the next part of my journey. The coming together of my book and the learning that’s been happening over the last twelve plus months has shown me this.
I celebrated my consultancy’s first year anniversary earlier in March. It’s hard to believe that I launched my business on 8 March 2025. As I write this, it’s slightly over a year ago. The turnout was lovely. Everyone who came brought with them joy, which illuminated the event. I felt the warmth of their presence and reflection prior to that made me really want to thank God for everything.
It is surreal to remember that on 13 March 1999, twenty-six years ago, I was called to the Malaysian Bar. I remember that day so very well. I remember how difficult it was for us to get to court. My mum and dad came with me and mum’s struggle with rheumatoid arthritis was epic. She woke up so much earlier than usual just to be ready on time. Papa had to do his usual navigating. He’d to figure out how and where to drop her off, closest to the entrance before driving off to park and running back to join us. And he had to do the whole thing all over again when it was all over.
They were so proud on that day. I was very happy. I remember thinking that my heart would burst. It was brilliant to have the wider family join us for a lovely buffet lunch at a hotel in the heart of the city. I remember that day very clearly. I have photos from it, but I remember it.
Most of all, I remember the conversation that papa, mummy and I had that night. It was joyous. My parents let me know how they felt in that moment. They shared with me their gratitude to our God for how He’d brought us to that point. It truly was. I had wanted to do law since I was six. There was so much grace and I could see it. I was full of joy on that day.
I never would have imagined on 13 March 1999 that I would leave the practice. I never would have even dreamt it in a nightmare. But it did happen. Mummy passed away so suddenly in 2006. And although I tried for a year and a half, I just couldn’t show up as the lawyer I knew I could be. Papa was the only one who didn’t feel like I was wasting my education. He didn’t feel like he and mummy had wasted their money sending me to the UK to study. He only knew his daughter was hurting and he wanted her to be OK.
When I look back at things, I can see how haphazard my professional journey has been. I never intended to leave the law. It’s hard to come up with a new plan. There have been all sorts of highs and lows in the time in between.
Sometime in 2022, I decided I would pursue a coaching qualification. I had coached some rather high-level people by then and there was a definite interest. Again, my father, was the wind beneath my wings. He insisted on paying for the course. He was always interested in what I was doing and we talked so much about how it’d be moving forward.
Come June 2023, when I’d done very well on my course, I’d decided that probably around the end of August, I’d start working towards setting up my own business. That never happened because August 2023 was when papa passed away.
I never counted on being made redundant in 2025. It’s almost as if I was meant to go ahead with my plans to set up a consultancy. You know – I truly didn’t feel prepared. It wasn’t clear to me what the next step was. My heart was broken and I just wanted to curl up in a corner.
So, the amount of stuff that has happed in 2025-2026 doesn’t elude me. I see grace covering my every step. If you know about grief, you’ll know how you feel like a fog is covering your brain. Yet, I was able to write. If that wasn’t God’s grace, I know not what it was. Getting a reputable publisher has been another blessing. Everything just happened in a way that I needed it to.
This past few days have been busy. I am finalizing the last round of proofreading. Yes, yes – I’m writing this on a break. The cover of my book is out. Some very big steps towards the publication date and discussions for the book launch have started. I’m ecstatic. I’m also feeling so very sad.
For the first time, I don’t have either parent with me as I take a big step and hit an achievement. I feel a little deflated, if I’m honest. It’s something that I’m aching to share with them. It’s been hard to not have this.
I’m trying to be there for friends – when they need me. But I’m also in need of them. And there are some of them who continually show up in a way that really amazes me and helps me. Their encouragement has really helped me at a time when I am ready to burst into tears. I know they see me – and I am grateful for this.
I trust God with this pain I feel. I trust Him and am grateful to Him for the relief He sends me through some of these people in my life. It makes me want to be a better friend to them. I hope I can do this for them. I trust God with this exhaustion I feel. I trust God with the excitement I feel – the way things are panning out for the book, for the new possibilities with the podcast, for some new ideas post book that are already forming. I worry about so many things – and I keep reminding myself that I must keep trusting.
God has been so good to me and even when the sadness and pain of the loss I have endured come up, I will keep trusting.
Papa and mummy – I really think you’d be proud. I miss you both – the wind beneath my wings.
Grace for the soul 