Anita’s Blog

Ever seen someone work with fondant? The amount of kneading, rolling and shaping that goes on is quite surprising! The perfection that is usually achieved in the end is the master piece that is admired and cherished. Yet – there was a whole load of work that went into getting the fondant to that level of beauty. This makes me think a little of how the God of the Bible does His work in our lives. It makes me wonder if I’ve been as pliable as fondant when it comes to letting myself be shaped by the Spirit.

According to the Bible, God’s primary work is the redemption of mankind. He is a saving God. He saved us through a most painful death on a cruel cross. In that instance in history, the perfect God took on the sin of humanity, sin that was solely and distinctly against Him, in order that we, the rebel, enemy combatants could be reconciled to Him as children. It does at some level seem rather incredible and almost hard to believe. The God of the universe who is completely omnipotent and all powerful died for us to forgive our sin against Him. The mercy and grace shown towards us is staggering indeed.

Why was it even necessary for Him to die, we ask? I mean, if He were all powerful, couldn’t He just overlook everything and press some sort of reset button so that none of that malarkey that He found so offensive remained. Well –overlooking something isn’t exactly the most just way to do things. It is counter-intuitive to God. Go back to that fondant. When there’s a flaw, the artist working with it doesn’t just chuck it aside and start with a new batch. They go back to it, knead it and roll it out all over again. They are faithful to their mastery over the fondant. God is faithful His mastery over His creation.

For me, the most difficult part of being a Christian is adopting the pliable form of the illustrative fondant. It is pliable…moldable. It is in a way, teachable – more so that I am at most times. The cake artist works with a fondant roller and various other tools like smoothers to ensure that there is smoothness or evenness, no air bubbles or cracks and whatever else that there is that contributes to the flaw in the fondant. Likewise, God uses His Word to shape us.

Wait a minute? God uses His Word? He uses His Word, as in the Bible? Yes! That’s just it! It’s the tool that He uses to shape you and me. It’s the tool of the Spirit. The way in which His Word is brought to us could vary from the literature that we read or what we heard in a sermon or talk. It could be delivered to us through the most unassuming messenger possible! Remember – this is the God who didn’t go according to convention: at a time when women were not seen as credible witnesses, He appeared to them so that they formed part of the list of witnesses who had seen the risen Jesus. So how does this apply to me? I need to be vigilant that I’m not hardening my heart against the tools of the Spirit to teach me …to grow me. Maybe my knowledge of the Bible is sound – but does that really guarantee change? I keep thinking of Nicodemus’ conversation with Jesus. Yes – the famous ‘born again’ conversation. At this point, Nicodemus would probably have heard about the miracle of the water being turned into wine – he would have heard about the sign and this probably accounts for the respect he accords Jesus. Still, seeing the signs or the miracles are not the same as seeing the glory of the Kingdom of God. And Jesus makes this clear – one must be born again. There are so many accounts of what it means to be born again – all sorts of experiences are demanded and some of them would to my mind, make rather good material for a horror flick of some sort. Jesus was reminding Nicodemus that change would only come by water and the Spirit. Jesus was reminding him of the promise in Ezekiel 36: 25-26 where God would sprinkle water and cleanse the hearts of His people and put His Spirit in them. God’s people were not only being cleaned but were being empowered by the Spirit to live for God.

The question I must then ask myself is if there are the effects of this empowerment in my life. What are the effects? Is there a change in my vocabulary, my priorities and goals? Is there a change in my interests and my pursuits? Is there something that I am refusing to change?  I must remind myself not to fight this change – not to be defensive and childish about it. Am I that arrogant to I think I am beyond change? Why am I so afraid of admitting my wrong? I am justified by the blood of Christ. But doesn’t this justification bring about a regeneration of some sort? Shouldn’t there be a transformation? What is the evidence? Don Carson in one of my favourite sermons of his on this issue makes the point that there needs to be more than just head knowledge here. I think most of us who have been Christians for a long time, or those who are in leadership positions have to be even more careful here: the new birth starts taking place here. It is not just head knowledge we’re talking about – not some great ability to put forward a great defense of the gospel. Don Carson said in this sermon – even the devil has head knowledge (he quoted Scripture!)–only he doesn’t believe.

So just what is that I believe in? I am trusting in Jesus, the Son of Man who was lifted up on that cross. I need the Spirit to wash me and cleanse me and to convict me of my sin. This is beyond my own powers. But this one thing remains my responsibility – I need to recognize my fallibility. I am sin. Yet I must remember – I am forgiven. Remembering that means I don’t have to worry about being pliable like fondant.

Imagine the fondant all frozen and hard. It remains completely in pliable and cannot be transformed into that thing of beauty. What a shame then. It then is only worthy to be chucked out – it will never be glorified as the work of art it was meant to be because it refused to be pliable. So I say this again as a reminder to myself and to my brothers and sisters in Christ: O Christian – remain teachable! Let not yourself be so sure of your theology that you’re no longer teachable for we must ensure that our righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees who were very certain in their theology. We must remain teachable for then we know the Spirit is working in us.

I am single. I’m no longer within the category of desirable marriageable age as far as women are concerned. The reality is, I am very single – not what I’d imagined I’d be at this time in my life. I did meet a man who I did fall in love with and who loved me back. We were …still are, incredibly compatible, but he’s not Christian. Hence, I’m still single. I’ve never really thought of myself as having the need to pen my thoughts on singleness and marriage. Yet, now I do. I feel an overwhelming urge to speak about it. I want to tell of my three levels of shame that I feel because I’m single.

The first and oldest source of my shame is that all those who labelled me as unattractive, overweight or just downright ugly seem to have won the argument. I’m not so sure I really want some of my tormentors to have the last say. It isn’t how I’d have planned it. I always thought that I would show them. That God would bail me out of this hell by sending me that amazing man who would put the lot of them to shame. Hah! It seems that God had other thoughts.

Before you start feeling sorry for me, do know that though I did go through a lot of torment in my younger years about my looks, a lot of that was dealt with by my mid to late twenties. Thanks to a godly mother who really laid into me what it was that made someone beautiful in God’s eyes. It’s not our figure or hair. Not our flawless skin or teeth. It’s not even our character – though as we become more Christ-like, we do become more beautiful to God. Our true beauty lies in His righteousness. There’s no messing with that! It doesn’t diminish with age or infirmity. His righteousness remains unblemished and He covers me with His righteousness by His grace. When I realized this, a lot changed. I stopped covering my smile because I knew it wasn’t the source of my beauty. I stopped wishing I was thin because I knew my body shape wasn’t the source of my beauty. I stopped feeling like I couldn’t be kind to men because I knew that their approval of me didn’t determine my beauty. So much did change for me. God’s Word is a living Word – I knew that then. It had radically changed something in me.

I wish I had been able to say a lot of these things earlier. I do realize that some wounds still needed to be healed. Knowing the truth and being able to apply it in my life didn’t always go hand in hand. Hence, there were moments when the approval of a man meant the world to me. When my mum passed, I lost the person who kept reminding me of the truths that I hope I’ve eloquently mentioned above. I did fall. I fell for a lovely non-Christian man in a way that I never should have. I was on top of the world. For a while, the tormentors were silenced. He was a good looking man. They couldn’t believe it. Neither could I. At this point, I was convinced that God’s plan was completely in sync with mine. Thankfully God is all wise and sent me a Christian brother – in the form of my pastor, to speak to me about this. I know it can’t have been easy for him to have spoken to me the way he did. But he did faithfully, gently and firmly hammer in the point that a marriage between a Christian and a non-Christian was not part of God’s will. I was referred to scripture and I argued back using old testament characters and their marriages. It took about a year and the Spirit broke through my stubbornness. I often look back at that time and think how I may have given Pharaoh some stiff competition in the stubbornness department! Eventually, I broke off the relationship. There was a lot of pain. I miss him still though it’s been many years. I knew then that I would always need to pray about my need for approval. I needed healing from this. Being able to speak about it this way shows me the progression of healing even on that score, though I’m acutely aware that I still have a long way to go and prayer can’t cease.

My second source of shame is when some of my Christian friends (not all…just some) speak of how being married makes you a better person because you’re forced to face your flaws and change. Sometimes they tell me how I should be praying for my Mr. Right to come along and they remind me how they keep praying for me that he does. They hold my hand and tell me that God will send me someone soon. Hah! Have I mentioned that God has other ideas?

Church would be a refuge, I thought, from any sort of shame on my singleness. So I thought. God showed me differently. I’ve been brought into contact with some really lovely married Christian friends who don’t realize how they wound us singles. Imagine being told that being married makes you a better person because your spouse helps to change you. Where does that leave the likes of the rest of us who aren’t married or likely to get married? We’re a class lower now. What does that say about a just God? Has He allowed a second class citizenship to be created within His family? No. God is just. Paul says it is better to be single (1 Corinthians 7:8). Why would he say that, if being single doesn’t bring about as much change as being married?  Think on this for a minute. Who does the changing of a heart or mind? It’s the Holy Spirit (2 Corinthians 5: 16-18; Psalm 51: 10; Jeremiah 24: 7; Romans 8: 9; John 7: 37 – 39; Romans 5: 5;  2 Corinthians 1: 22; Galatians 4: 6; Ephesians 3: 16-17; Colossians 1; 27; Galatians 5: 22 -23). The Holy Spirit changes our hearts and minds, not a spouse. If that were the case, what happens in instances when spouses manipulate, are selfish, unkind, lazy, etc.? Would they be changing the other for the worse? Then, wouldn’t that poor spouse who’s facing all this manipulation, selfishness, unkindness, laziness, etc. have been better off without getting married? That would make marriage a poor institution – which isn’t correct as it is a microcosm of the Trinity(Ephesians 5: 22 – 33)! Change is possible for ALL Christians, married or single. Indeed it is a must for all Christians (John 3: 6-8). We must grow to be more Christ like. This growth is only possible if it is brought about by the Holy Spirit. That is why we must be rooted in the Spirit. We must be like the tree planted on the banks of righteousness (Jeremiah 17: 8). That’s where our roots must be for indeed, that is how we start to produce fruit of the Spirit. Marriage and singleness are separate tools that the Holy Spirit uses to produce change in us. Let us not undervalue His power to do so. Let us not create a lower category of Christians – singles or a higher category – married people. Let us revel in both these states. In fact, let us use our states to uphold each other so that the Spirit can make us even more loving and Christ like.

I did say I had three sources of shame. My third and biggest source of shame is me when I let myself be affected by the words of my dreaded tormentors or my loving Christian friends. I should know better. All the things that I would count gain- the incredibly gorgeous man that would silence my tormentors and gain me glory and approval from all round or the man that would help shape me and make me a better person than I could possibly be right now – are indeed loss (Philippians 3: 7). Why? Jesus died for me. Will I find a man who would love me and serve me over and above this? No. I don’t want to pray in the manner Israel did when they asked for a human king to replace the true King. I’m a little worried about doing this – my sinfulness is great indeed. Would the approval from my community bring me contentment? I doubt it. We are demanding by nature. I would need to appease a subsequent demand from them to sustain further approval. I know that Jesus means I’m free from these judgments (Galatians 5: 1). There truly are no more demands or judgments on me. Jesus has taken it all on Himself. (Romans 3: 21-31; 1 Peter 2: 24; Isaiah 53: 5). There is only acceptance for me in Him. The God of the universe died for me to save me. Let me say that again: the God of the universe died for me to save me. Doesn’t that sound remarkable? Doesn’t it move my heart? He has given me His righteousness that I am accepted into His family (Romans 8: 17; Hebrews 9: 15; Galatians 3: 29: Romans 4: 13-17, Titus 3: 7; Galatians 4: 4-7). He has loved me and served me in a way that I know very well, I do not deserve. That is right… I do not deserve His love. He died for me while I was still His enemy. He died for me before He made changes in me. He accepted me as I was only to change me through His love and grace. He measures my successes by His act of love on the cross. Not by whether I’m married or single. When I remember this, I am ashamed that I let myself be shamed. So why do I let myself be shamed when it comes to my singleness? I am still a work in progress. I must not despair about that either. I must keep thinking on the truths I know. I must be real about the problems in singleness and marriage. I must not idolize any state or give undue importance to either of them. I must learn to embrace whichever state I’m in as a gift from God. I must remain teachable as a single or even if I ever get married. May you and I keep changing to be more like Jesus, and may God use my and your singleness or marriages for as long as He wishes it to display His glory in our lives.