Grace for the soul

Author: anitastephen2015

  • Faith or Fear – Which Are We Feeding?

    I just got off the phone with a dear friend. It’s funny how sometimes what is meant to be a five-minute conversation goes on for an hour or more. I love when this happens. It means that we’re spending time together. There are the friendships where this happens and the ones where we just stop communicating. There are a lot more friendships in the latter group, and we put it down to busyness, which makes me appreciate the times when I get to have these chats.

    In our phone conversation, we talked about how fear holds us back. Sometimes we even make blanket decisions. How often do we say things like ‘I’m never going to trust anyone again!’? There are so many such stands that we take. We decide we’ll never give something a chance again after we’ve been hurt or when we’ve lost. We make declarations of how we’ll face certain elements, while ‘bravely’ shutting the door on other options. When we strip it all down, it is clear to see that we are afraid.

    I don’t excuse myself from this. I had a great experience with a business partner. He was wonderful really, and he had amazing business sense. I felt very supported as a partner and even when our partnership ended, I never had any bad things to say about how it had all transpired. I was determined to find another such partner.

    What this meant was that I closed the door to stepping out on my own at different points. I felt the need to have this partnership and that if I didn’t have one, I couldn’t move forward. There were various discussions had with different people at different points. But no matter how good they were, partnering with them never felt right. As such, I never ventured out on my own. Until now, that is.

    I had to really think over a lot of things when I was made redundant. My redundancy came into effect in February 2025, but I knew from some time in September 2024 that things were in motion. Whilst negotiating severance terms, I frantically applied for jobs, attended interviews, and considered options that were put on the table before me.

    There was initially zero clarity because I kept thinking I needed that partner. It took a while for my faith to kick in and confront me on this idea. Finally, I did realize that I wanted to have my own gig, and that I had a partner in the God I trust. It was terrifying, which made me realize that as much as I speak about trusting God, I don’t trust Him enough.

    My business is slowly growing. It’s not always easy, but I can say that I love every minute of it. I am enjoying work again in a way that I hadn’t in a long time. Even that realization, of how I stayed in a job that I wasn’t fully enjoying out of fear that I wouldn’t be able to do better because of chronic illness. It annoys me now when I think that I boxed myself in. I didn’t think God could do His thing.

    Fear is a real thing. It makes us so very timid and we put ourself into tiny spaces, almost trying to minimize our existence. This feeling is not always obvious. We layer it up in what we call ‘rational thought’ or ‘justified reasoning.’ At its core, it really is fear.

    One of my favourite stories in the Bible is of the woman with blood issue who touches Jesus’ garment and is healed. The faith of that woman is truly beautiful. It is strong. In that time, she was considered unclean and shunned. For her to overcome that fear and seek her God, just moves me.

    In recent times, I am reminded too of how I have been given faith. Faith is a gift from God – not something I can whip up on my own accord (Ephesians 2:8). I am very aware of this. Yet, this is a gift that I have to do something with. I have to feed it. This happens as I consistently engage with scripture (Romans10:17). It is important I do this because it helps me mature and grow deeper in my love, knowledge, and understanding of Jesus (1 Peter 2:2).

    As I say this, I know immediately that the fault is my own. A lot of the time, I am truly guilty of feeding my fear instead of my faith. The foolishness I reveal in this is staggering. God is the same God yesterday, today, and forever. The God I believed in sent help to Hagar, who was pregnant and flees from Sarah’s harsh treatment. In the New Testament,  it is Sarah who represents the new covenant of grace by Jesus, not Hagar. And yet, God shows Hagar so much mercy and grace. I know this story. Why then do I feed my fear instead of my faith?

    I think at the heart of it is the illusion that I can control things. There is nothing I can control. Little Gamora reminds me of this every single day, when she has moments thinking of whether to obey or not. In the beginning, I used doggy treats to persuade her to obey, and she has built a certain muscle memory. She now obeys with the hope of getting a treat. I tell you what, it works! Most of the time, she gets a reward.

    Gamora demonstrates what I should be doing. I have God’s Word that shows me so many instances of His faithfulness to those before me. I have a lifetime of experience where I have indeed tasted God’s goodness. Yet, my muscle memory isn’t as good as Gamora’s. I forget. And I end up feeding my fears by dwelling on them instead of feeding my faith.

    I think there’s a change of diet on the cards! From experience, I know this isn’t the easiest thing to do, but it is wise that I start being more focused on feeding my faith. I serve the God that my parents taught me about. I serve the God who gave me my faith. It is right that I serve Him by feeding my faith whenever I am fearful for He did not give all of us who profess a faith in Him, a spirit of timidity, but of power, love, and self-control.

    As we start the charge towards closing out 2025, I am thankful for these thoughts that have been put into my heart to ponder upon. It  will be my prayer that I continue facing my fears with courage, knowing that I have a God that I can fully trust with the final outcome. I wish so very much that my dad was around for this conversation – he tried to tell me about this many times whenever he tried to prepare me for his passing. Papa, the penny has finally dropped. You and mummy have given me so much by growing me in Christ. I am eternally grateful for you both.

  • Seaside Secrets

    Beach or mountains? Which do you prefer? Why?

    I love the beach. I love it far more than the mountains. Please don’t get me wrong- I think the mountains are beautiful. However, for me, a beach holiday trumps everything!

    I love the beach. There is something about being at the seaside that causes my body and mind to relax. I wonder if it is the air – the smell of the ocean, or the sight of it.

    When we were little, my cousins and I got taken to the seaside a lot. It was such a lot of fun. Our parents would have packed all sorts of food for a picnic, but all we could think about was playing on the beach or swimming in the sea.

    Till this day, when I go to the beach, I keep my eyes peeled for the first sight of the sea. That first glimpse of the turquoise, blueish-green shades of waves, never ceases to cause a sensory delight within me.

    When I lost my mum in 2006, I was so brokenhearted. Some friends and I went to the seaside – I wanted the time to rest. A friend suggested that we each take time to write about something out in nature.

    I remember composing a poem about the sea – about how its calm exterior didn’t always show the whirling undercurrents. It reflected how I felt when I lost my mum.

    In 2023, less than a week and a half before he died, my dad convinced me to book a beach holiday. I booked it without knowing that I would be travelling there two weeks after he had passed.

    Again, the silence of the beach broken by the occasional roar of the waves, voiced the sense of overwhelm that I was feeling inside. It felt to me like the sea was acting out the restless I felt.

    In October 2025, a friend and I went for a beach holiday. It rained almost the entire time we were there, but we had a sea view room. It was amazing to wake up to the glistening sea, and watch how choppy it got because of the wind and the rain.

    I was exhausted from a gruelling schedule, but just being by the beach, looking out at the sea, I felt a sense of calm and peace. It was like the tiredness was being washed away.

    Whilst I do admire mountains and nature apart from the seaside, there is nothing like a beach holiday! I am so thankful to God for the many beach holidays I’ve been able to enjoy. I pray for more!

  • Portrait of a Turkish Family by Irfan Ortega

    What book are you reading right now?

    I literally just finished reading Irfan Ortega’s Portrait of a Turkish Family. It blew my mind!

    I bought the book on 29 January 2025, from Galeri Kayseri English Bookshop, located in the Sultanahmet Fatih area of Istanbul. I remember the date very clearly because it was the day that I was leaving Istanbul. My friends and I stopped in at the bookshop, and lo, and behold, we each bought our own copy of the book. Such were the exhortations of the store keepers, and we believed that it was a good book.

    I think whatever the store keeper said really made me want to find a moment to read the book in leisure. It has been anything but that, with the start of my business and the intensity of trying to make things work. I held off reading.

    In October, a friend and I managed to make a short trip to Penang. Penang is lovely- it is a city island, and is popular for its local cuisine. Our plan was to rest and recuperate, as we’d both had a busy year. I decided to take the book with me.

    The book was so easy to read, which sort of surprised me. I was almost expecting some stuffy sort of writing style, and have been pleasantly surprised at how wrong I was.

    Right from the word go, Irfan Ortega, draws you into his world. The story is rich, almost as if its tapestry was weaved intricately by a master carpet maker. It is hard not to feel the pleasures of the author’s family at its height, and their decline into poverty and shambles.

    I couldn’t put the book down. References to Istanbul made complete sense because some of the places were located in the Sultanahmet area – close by the Blue Mosque. Having visited the place, it brought the writing to life even more.

    It isn’t possible to do justice to the story by trying to explain it here. The emotions that Irfan Ortega conveyed could only be told with the emotional weightage of the person who had lived through the events detailed. I felt so thoroughly invested in what would happen to each of the individuals because of how powerful the writing was.

    This year, I have spent time reading books on business. I reread a couple of my long time favourites by Jane Austen, a book on the Ottomans, which I started before I went to Istanbul but only finished after I got home, and a few other books. I have been wanting to read more, and given how busy I’ve been, I am pleased that I have been able to do this much reading.

    What I can say with absolute certainty is that I was incredibly moved by this narrative of Irfan Ortega‘s. I heartily recommend it as a must read!

  • Layers and Ingredients of My Home

    If you’re like me and you like baking, it is likely you often have conversations about it. I love it when friends or family send me pics of what they’ve made and share the experience of how the baking process went. I like doing the same as well.

    There are certain periods, such as the build-up to special celebrations or around Christmas, where conversations about baking and trialing become rife.  Whilst it may not be everyone’s cup of tea, I absolutely love it.

    A friend had popped into my mind as I put a Christmas fruitcake into the oven yesterday. Last year, she had made a fruitcake using a recipe of a friend of hers who had tragically passed away. So, I dropped her a note, and inevitably, we discussed making fruitcake.

    She mentioned how she loved the smell of the house when something has been baking. At that moment, the thing that had been pressing on my mind was the quality of the fruit I’d got this year. The cake supply shop that I’ve been going to for slightly over two decades had shut.

    There are some major baking franchise outlets in my town. They are well-known ones, but as I picked up dried fruit for the fruitcake, I couldn’t help but notice the difference. Even when I cut up the fruit, I couldn’t help but think that they were much dryer than what I was used to. This came up in my conversation with my friend. I told my friend how I had instinctively set aside a few more egg whites for whisking, in the event the batter was dryer than usual, as a result of the fruit.

    She commended me on my quick-thinking and went on to tease me for being a perfectionist in my baking. It was such an innocent comment, but it brought a whole load of memories flooding back to my mind.

    I saw it as clear as day as I typed out my response about the strength of the memory associations that I had related to the dried fruit. At the core of it was how much I am missing my mum and dad.

    When I first started baking at 13 years of age, baking supplies like dried fruit, weren’t easily available in the town I lived in. My dad would have to drive me to the city to get them. I remember my mum making calls to ask an aunt where they could be got, and my father, diligently driving me to get them.

    When I first started baking, my parents weren’t sure if my interest was just a fad or if it was something that was going to grow. My mum was never much of a cook or baker, and we didn’t have an oven. I used an ovenette, which was quite horrific because you couldn’t control the heat. Since fruitcakes took a long time to bake, my mum and dad would help me play around with the heat, by turning the ovenette off for a minute or two, just to make sure the cake wouldn’t burn.

    They loved the fruitcake and other cakes that I made, and by the time I was 15, they decided to buy me one of those big gas stoves with an oven at the bottom. I used that stove till 2020, when the freak flood that impacted my home destroyed it! Even with my new oven (at the time), supplies weren’t so easily available. My parents supported my baking through this. My mum would help me calculate what was needed and write a list, and my dad would drive me to get all the stuff I needed.

    Maybe when I was about 17, things started changing. More things were available in my town. Sometime after I got back from university, the cake supplies shop opened up in the housing estate next to mine. I could walk to it, but usually, I drove because it wasn’t easy carrying home stuff that I had bought.

    That cake supplies shop wasn’t a fancy shop at all. It was small and friendly, which I loved. The couple that ran it used to import dehydrated fruit from a family-run business in the US. The quality of the fruit was so notably different, that the first time I bought it, even my parents commented on how fresh it all was. I think as a family, we appreciated the turn of events.

    These memories are very strong for me. When mum died in 2006, I found it hard to think of baking or anything. It was papa who slowly encouraged me to get back to it. Until he passed away in 2023, he was always an eager volunteer for tasting anything that came out of my oven.

    Remembering this has made me realize why I feel a sense of deep sadness when I bake. When mummy passed away, that sadness came to reside. It has never left. Now with papa’s passing, it has taken up more space within. Oddly enough, I don’t want it to leave. It connects me to papa and mummy.

    This simple act of buying ingredients and baking, make me feel such a strong connection to the home I once knew. This memory makes me see that so clearly. This is the home that shaped me – from my faith, to every mistake I’ve made, and every success I’ve achieved. It is the home that both my dad, Stephen and my mum, Leela, with all their imperfections built for me. It is the home I miss dearly.

    I am grateful to God for my friend’s comment that triggered this entire memory. I am thankful to Him for the parents He blessed me with. I cannot thank Him enough. One of the Psalms that I like is Psalm 34, which is a Psalm of my favourite king David. Some of the verses in this Psalm are astounding:

    • I will bless the LORD at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth (Psalm 34: 1)
    • My soul makes its boast in the LORD; let the humble hear and be glad (Psalm 34: 2)
    • Those who look to him (the LORD) are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed (Psalm 34: 5)
    • Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! (Psalm 34: 8)
    • The LORD is near to the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalm 34: 18)

    There’s a lot more to this Psalm, but I like these verses because they are full of hope, and because they bless the LORD and recognize his goodness. The interesting thing about it all is that when David wrote this Psalm, his home at the palace was under threat because of king Saul.

    David had fled into Philistine territory, which was enemy territory, and in order to survive this, he pretended to be out of his mind. It is hard to imagine how low one would have to be to act this way. It was an awful, awful time.

    My life isn’t on the line like David’s was, and I am writing from far more comfortable settings than the Adullam caves, where he was likely hiding out. I know there is a debate on whether David sinned by feigning madness. Whilst I haven’t pretended to be mad (and let me just stop you right there, if you even think it’s because I don’t need to pretend!), I know that I have been called out for the sadness that I have felt.

    I have spoken and written about this sadness. There have been times when I’ve been told that my faith is weak, and that I am not showing good Christian character when I express this sadness. I’ve been told that I am not showing strength.

    It has been awful dealing with these. One of the comments after papa passed away was to the extent that since I had the experience of losing my mum, this wouldn’t be so hard to deal with. Who are they kidding? Do they know how present he was in my life?

    I may be in my own version of the Adullam caves (with plumbing and without bats). My home as I knew and loved it, is no more. It is hard to explain this feeling to many people. I don’t have brothers or sisters who grew up alongside me. The only two people who shared in the most significant parts of my history, are no longer here. There’s so much of me that they knew, which no one else knew. There are elements of me that they brought out, which no one else can. Their absence as individuals and as a unit in my life is something I feel so keenly.

    Yet, I hope that it is clear that despite this feeling of sadness, I have such a strong sense of thankfulness and gratefulness to God. He has given me so much for which I can only be thankful. When I look back at my parents and process our ups and downs, I can only say that I have been extraordinarily blessed.

    I don’t need to prove the strength of my faith or character to anyone. This isn’t a dance that I’ll be doing. I miss my mum and dad so very much. I miss them unashamedly.

    Papa and mummy, thank you for teaching me this faith. Thank you for growing me in Christ, and for helping me see that there is so much more ahead because of Jesus. I thank God for this blessing He gave me through you both. I thank Him for this memory that has triggered such a strong feeling of connection to you. Bless the Lord, indeed!

  • Pathways to Thriving

    What podcasts are you listening to?

    Podcasts have been on my mind a lot lately. I think they’re a great way to learn and contemplate a topic, or to gain perspective.

    There are two podcasts that I subscribe to.

    One needs no introduction- Diary of a CEO. Steven Bartlett’s staggering success with this podcast is nothing short of phenomenal. He even had a podcast episode air in cinemas! That must’ve been an amazing experience for those attending.

    The guests are interesting. Sometimes they rise and on other occasions, sink, in listeners’ esteem. This is realistic, given how wide the audience is and how many different perspectives and personalities are on display.

    The other podcast I’ve been listening to for some years is Gospel in Life. Since the passing of Tim Keller in 2023, the podcast has kept going strong with his sermons and talks. I love listening to him as I drive or sometimes when I have a moment.

    The podcast seeks to tell people about Jesus, and if anyone is familiar with Tim Keller’s work, you’ll know that his talks are faithful to the gospel.

    Lately, I’ve been listening to episodes of Pathways to Thriving. This is a podcast that I launched in September 2025. I listen back to identify bits for shorts in the editing process. I’m constantly in awe of my guests!

    I started the podcast with the aim of getting more diverse voices heard. There are so many people from different parts of the world that don’t have a platform to share their insights, but who are remarkable people.

    One of things I have to do to achieve my goal is to grow my podcast. So I’m constantly asking people to like, subscribe, and share my podcasts! It has to be done to get these voices out there.

    I have loved recording the interviews so far. In the first interview, I’m so nervous, it shows. I’m slowly gaining confidence. I’ve started doing the interviews with a script. It’s a good trajectory!

    My mind is full of my podcast- its growth, next guests, and content. I will share the link to my podcast here. If you have a moment, listen, like, subscribe, and share! I’m excited about what lies ahead. I need your support and I thank you for it!

    https://youtube.com/@progressivepathwaysconsulting?si=wG2dYeC5ZtnTA6sx

  • Sheer Grace

    Sheer Grace

    I have COVID, and it has meant isolating for a few days. It has given me some time to reflect. This time last year was very difficult for me. I was being made redundant and the entire process of redundancy felt so very overwhelming.

    One of the things that alerted me about the length of time that has passed, was a renewal notice for my website’s domain. At the time I’d signed up for it, with the help of a dear brother, I wasn’t sure of what I was going to do. I purely wanted to play around with things, see if I could come up with an idea, and he told me about the Black Friday deals. It made sense to take advantage of them. What was the worst that could happen? If nothing materialised, so be it.

    In January this year, I went to Istanbul with some friends. It was a lovely trip, and although it feels so very far away, I remember clearly some of the things that I felt on the trip.

    I felt that I was being challenged in my own mind. It had been some months since I’d started the job hunt, and so many things didn’t feel right. Offers that came my way, packages thrown at me for consideration – none of it felt right. This was odd, given that some of these were the kind of jobs I had long desired, and in locations that I had always wanted to be in. I had no peace with any of this.

    At that point, I wished I was better at praying. I was so grateful for the fact that Jesus interceded for me. This was a big comfort because I was finding it hard to pray with all the distractions, and the tiredness that came about because of stress and worry. Now, a year later, I am again thankful for this same knowledge that I have.

    I am so glad I have set up my own consultancy. I trust that this is where God has led me. I have felt a sense of purpose about my work, and a real sense of satisfaction that I had long forgotten. I wasn’t always happy in my last job. In fact, most of the time, I was frustrated and the sense of uselessness prevailed over me.

    I hadn’t quite understood how disengaged I had become, thanks to countless U-turns and barriers at work. I wasn’t enjoying my work at all, and because I worked for a Christian organisation, the level of guilt that I felt was inexplicable.

    Many a time, I wondered if I was disobeying God through my discontentment and dissatisfaction. I wondered if I was missing the point, and if I had to learn something, which I simply wasn’t yet learning.

    It is funny how I fell into the thinking that God was maybe not happy with me, and therefore things were awry. That couldn’t be further from the truth, for the God I believe in isn’t petty. Yet, I started worrying for a moment about how I wasn’t praying enough, perhaps, or I was just not doing enough.

    This was my frame of mind when I went to Istanbul. I saw and felt so much.

    There is so much history in Istanbul – history that I think is riveting. I think the battle for Hagia Sophia, when the Ottomans conquered Istanbul, was mind blowing. It’s one of my favourite battle stories. I think the young Sultan Mehmet II was amazingly clever in how he took over the Hagia Sophia.

    However, once the opulence of the Ottomans ended, it was such a difficult time of struggle for everyone in Turkey. Things never got back to the glory days, and then they were impacted very badly by the World Wars. It feels like the country has never recovered to its former self.

    Yet, what did I see in Turkey? I saw people clinging to ways of life that they hold dear. There is a pride in the beauty of their lamps, carpets, and other craft. There is appreciation for their nature, including stray animals. It felt like all their dogs and cats were on steroids! There is high esteem for the tea mixes that they put together, the sweets that are made, and the spices that are sold. It was beautiful.

    It made me reflect on my own faith. Life isn’t always kind. There has been so much loss in my life. For me, losing mummy was devastating. I never expected to go through such devastation again when I lost papa. In between, there was some sort of recovery, but never to the point that it was before she passed on.

    Now, I find myself trying to keep going. As I try to grow a business, I feel a deep sense of sorrow for the loss of my home. I feel despair at points, because there is no turning back the clock to happier days, when I sat with my parents, and then for many years – with just my dad, discussing something or other.

    There is a sense of past glory. How it all used to be. There were great conversations. We spent time together. We fought. We laughed. It’s all gone.

    Yet, I have a sense of pride about my home. I want to go on making sure that friends and family are welcome. I never want this to end. I want to always be a good host. I want to do a good job at work – even if I don’t have my mum and dad to talk to about this. I want to have a sense of enjoyment.

    Setting up my own consultancy, has given me this sense of satisfaction at work. I suddenly feel useful again. It was sheer grace from God that helped me author a book in 3.5 months. It was His grace that opened the doors to the esteemed publishers that immediately offered me a publishing contract.

    It is His grace alone that has kept my RA at bay while I have worked on my book, my website, and on trying to get myself out there. I have even launched a podcast. Sheer grace.

    I know it isn’t the strength of my prayers that’s doing this. Sometimes, I’m so sad when I go to sleep that I cry. Gamora licks my tears, and I fall asleep. I forget to pray. Sometimes, I am so overwhelmed by the difficulty of it all. I say a quick 5-second prayer. So heartfelt. Not!

    I know full well that my discipline, my fervor, and consistency in my prayers have been in absolute shambles. I am exhausted. I no longer have my parents covering me in prayer. Yet, I know that in this regard, I don’t just have a vague idea of some glory days, I have a living Saviour. Jesus intercedes for me.

    Fact – I have quite a bit to do to grow my business. Fact – I am dependent on God for grace. Fact – I cannot earn this grace. I keep failing. Fact – I don’t have to earn this grace. It has been given to me so freely.

    I didn’t fully have the words to put to what I witnessed in Istanbul in January, and the realizations it invoked in me. But sometime in April, when our church did the book of Ruth, I understood my reality. God’s kindness to Ruth and Naomi is hard to fathom. In the beginning, even Naomi doubts it. She hasn’t been faithful.

    Yet, God’s blessing comes upon Naomi (through Ruth) even though she had ventured far from His blessing. This faithfulness extends to all believers now. All of us who were ‘far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ’ (Ephesians 2:12 – 13).

     I feel like I have been granted the same grace, if not more. I would be remiss if I fail to recognize God’s loyal kindness in my life. I don’t think that the messiness of life, or its meanness, and sorrows will ever stop His grace. It is because of the lows, that the highs become even more obvious. And for this, I am so grateful.

    Whilst I hope that my prayer life improves, and that I get better at doing some of the things that I should, my ultimate prayer is this: that I always recognize the grace that is in my life and that forms my reality, and that I hold firm to this, despite the heartbreaking loss of home that I feel.

    Papa and mummy, this would’ve been a wonderful conversation to have had with you. I miss you.

     

    March 1999
    A wonderful day out
    A celebration!
    Showing love

     

     

     

  • Pain, Gamora, and a rather large monitor lizard!

    It’s such a wet Sunday as I write this. It stopped raining a short while ago, but you can see large droplets of water on the plants and puddles all over out on the road. The rain that came was heavy. I like the rain because of how it cools things down for us. If it’s not heavy enough, there’s a kind of mugginess that envelopes us within minutes of it stopping, so I’m glad that this was good rainfall.

                  I didn’t go to church this morning. I’m a little tired and am managing levels of pain that are coming up for me. Whenever my body is pushed to more exertion these days, the lovely disease that’s an occupying force within me reminds me that it holds the keys. In many senses, it keeps me in check. I need to make sure I have downtime. I don’t think it is a bad thing, except I don’t like the feeling of unwellness that it makes me feel and the heightening of pain levels. It makes me walk funny – or should I say funnier? It makes me trip, slip, roll my ankle, or step a little wrongly as I move about.

    Pain is an interesting thing. It makes me miss my mum and dad a lot. My dad, most recently, would ensure that I was fed or had a supply of hot tea coming my way. It would make me feel like I didn’t need to worry too much. Without his presence, it is different, as I still need to get things done. I have to make my own cuppa!

                  When I feel pain coming up in my body, I often wish I had a full -time butler like Jeeves. At times like this, when even my thoughts feel like they hurt, I think it’d be a good idea to outsource my thoughts to an intelligent being, like Jeeves. There’s character there, unlike the AI that I’m trying to get used to working with. At present, it lacks humour, discretion, and physical appearance. Who knows? This might change in the not-too-distant future!

                  For now, I have a little ball of fur right next to me. This little one, if I’m honest, even Jeeves has nothing on her! My darling girl, Gamora. Gamora isn’t human, and delightfully so. Her puppy-ness is what I find fascinating and most amusing. There are times, I find it moving. She’s able to relate. She reads situations well and she responds. This challenges me to do the same. A puppy teaching me about my humanity! This is why I’m certain she is such a blessing from God. It is why I feel like He sees me.

                  When the rain stopped this morning, Gamora and I were napping on the sofa. It’s bliss, I tell you. My housing area is quiet and the stillness is therapeutic. Gamora tends to love these moments when she’s cuddled right by me, and she doesn’t give them up easily, which is why I was surprised to see her suddenly fly off the couch and make urgent noises to want to go out. I let her outside and she flew out to the porch in such haste and started barking rather ferociously.

                  Recognizing the urgency in her bark, I walked over to her, only to see a large monitor lizard not too far from our front gate. Gamora’s radar for monitor lizards is impeccable. She seems to be able to sniff them out even at a distance. Sometimes in the park, she will spot one that’s having a swim. Even at that point, her little body goes into a ready-to-defend-warrior pose. I do not want her engaging in battle with monitor lizards. As smart as she is, I worry about the reach of their tails, which can hurt her.

                  I immediately sprang into action and ran to get a long, sturdy spade-like tool I have at the back of the house. Whether it’s a monitor lizard, frog, or cockroach that I encounter, I fervently start whispering prayers. I have such an intense dislike that springs from fear, towards these creatures, but living in a house, you inevitably have to deal with them. I could hear Gamora still letting out her warning barks and I tried as quickly as I could despite the pain my body was in to get back to her, and I did.

                  There was no more monitor lizard. I stood for a moment blinking, wondering if I’d dreamt the whole thing, when a neighbour who was walking his dog called out to me. ‘Your dog just made that big monitor lizard run!’ He had seen the whole thing unfold. My little Gamora was as proud as could be. She strutted back into our house and settled by me with a sense of satisfaction.

                  In these moments, I feel a sense of grace. I feel seen by my God. Why? Because I was dreading having to deal with that monitor lizard. I was dreading having to call the authorities for help because I am tired and am in pain. I didn’t want to spend time dealing with this. It is hard to explain the tiredness. I just want the quiet right now.

                  Thankfully, because of this little four-legged creature He put in my life, quietness is restored. She has been such a blessing, and I am thankful to God for her.

  • Gamora Tears

    What brings a tear of joy to your eye?

    My pooch- Gamora, causes me to tear up!

    I never thought I’d have another dog. Not after how Loki died. Having to put him down at the tender age of three because of all sorts of trauma related issues, which were making it impossible for him to eat and drink or be around people, was such an awful experience. I didn’t want another pooch.

    In February 2023, I was asked if I’d have a look at a litter of pups. The breeder lived nearby. Their intention was to breed pugs and dachshunds, but they hadn’t counted on Gamora’s pug daddy and dachshund mum to fall in love and somehow get together! The litter was adorable and there was ‘happy family’ written all over the pics and vids I saw.

    I went to have a look at Gamora’s brother. I’d only ever had male pooches and I thought I’d get another male if at all I got one. I did catch a glimpse of Gamora when I went but she was kept away from her brother and me during my visit. Her brother was adorable, and as much as I enjoyed carrying him, I couldn’t get rid of the feeling that something wasn’t right.

    I didn’t take Gamora’s brother and I thought maybe I should just not have a pup. Then, an uncle died and as my dad and I got back after the wake, I said how I missed the greeting that only a pup can give. My dad asked me to rethink getting a pup and the week after the funeral, I went back to the breeder.

    This time, Gamora was in the pen. There had been a potential booking for her brother and the breeder decided that I should consider taking Gamora. When I went to the pen, Gamora’s brother, recognised me and started to run towards me.

    I hadn’t counted on Gamora recognising me too! She did something remarkable. She started running, building up as much speed as her little legs and puppyish clumsiness would allow, and pushed her brother out of the way. She continued another full circle as her brother tried to get up and continue his progress towards me, and knocked him off again. It was fascinating! She then came full charge at me, jumped up with her paws on my shins and waited to be carried.

    That was the first time Gamora brought tears of joy to me. There have been many instances since.

    Her love of gardening, which is perhaps not conducive to my gardening hopes, just makes me smile. When she sees me admiring flowers, she tries to add to the joy by biting off the flowers and laying them on the ground! She does this with great skill for even the pots are bigger than she is!

    Her love for cuddles and spending time splooting in bed as she cosies up to me, or snuggling in what seem like the most uncomfortable positions often make me tear up!

    Lately, she’s taken to wanting back rubs- and she holds you fast in her gaze. That gaze of hers almost always brings tears to my eyes. It reminds me of her focus, her observation, and her uncompromising ‘you’re going to love me as much as I love you’ attitude. I find myself brining up with joy over this four-legged, barrel-bellied, floppy eared pup!

    Mama loves you, Gamora!

  • Pathways to Thriving

    Interview someone — a friend, another blogger, your mother, the mailman — and write a post based on their responses.

    All of August 2025, I have been busy working on my upcoming podcast, Pathways to Thriving. The idea for my podcast is to interview people who are thriving in their work, but whose voices aren’t usually heard.

    My hope is that a truly diverse picture will emerge through the contributions from my podcast. Thriving looks different for every single person. And that is okay! In fact, it is beautiful.

    I started off the interviews by interviewing a friend of mine, Daniel. There is something very modest about Daniel and it comes across only to magnify the importance of what it is he has to say! His prowess in legal education and his love for it, showed up during the interview. I loved it.

    Another interview was with a really good girlfriend of mine, Rajash. It has been a joy seeing Rajash navigate her own law firm. She’s been one busy bunny, and the kind of things she’s been involved in from a legal standpoint, has been nothing but spectacular. I’m inspired by her!

    The third person I interviewed was someone I met on LinkedIn. She was incredibly fascinating. It was so gratifying to see a Chief Human Resource Officer really bring people into the heart of leadership. I had goosebumps during the interview!

    The fourth but not the last, is an old friend, Bassl. I met Bassl in 2008 when I was teaching English! He came to Malaysia as a student and I have to say he was one of the most hardworking people I ever met! I’m a few years older and we got on well. Over the years, I’ve got to know his wife and kids. While Bassl was in Malaysia on holiday, I snatched a moment to interview him. I had a sense of pride listening to him answer questions. He has grown a business and is doing well. His family is being cared for and loved. The challenges he faced to get there- he just overcame by sheer persistence.

    I’ve been buzzing since starting these interviews. The joy, inspiration, and pride that I feel from these individuals – I cannot speak enough of! I’ve got more interviews lined up.

    Pathways to Thriving launches on 2 September. If you’re interested in catching it, follow me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/anita-stephen-1a800041

    If you enjoy the interview – I am so nervous in the first one, but it gets better in the second and so on (I think!), please help me grow this initiative by liking and subscribing to the channel. There should also be an opportunity to put forward suggestions of people I can interview (am happy to interview them via Zoom as well!).

    Tune in to the first interview with Daniel being launched on 2 September 2025!

  • Savoury-cheese muffins!

    What was the last thing you searched for online? Why were you looking for it?

    It’s amusing me that I’ve literally just placed an order for groceries to be delivered and I see today’s prompt. I was shopping for a little gathering I’m hosting for some friends, to celebrate having finished writing a book.

    My book will only be published next August. At the moment, it’s me waiting for the editors to come back to me with their comments. It’s a little nerve-wracking, if I’m honest, but also very exciting!

    My book is on kindness in leadership and at the workplace. It feels like a commitment to what I’m doing for work in coaching and people development. I want to make the workplace better!

    I’m not sure if I’m being idealistic, but as I’ve spent time thinking, I realise I love working. I love work – there, I’ve said it again! The times I’ve loved working have been when I’ve had good leaders and wonderful workplaces. Kindness was key.

    If you’d asked me even in March this year, before I set up my coaching consultancy, I’d probably have told you that I wanted to write a book but was having trouble narrowing down what to write about. I pinned myself down for fiction. Never thought I had the chops for anything nonfiction.

    The kind of clarity I had at the point of setting up the consultancy, was astounding. I felt like God kept extending me grace after grace to make decisions and do things. Once the launch and the paperwork for setting up were done, I thought I’d take a moment to reflect.

    Time wise, this was about five weeks after the launch. I had also started speaking to clients and trying to get myself going a wee bit more on LinkedIn. That’s when the writing started.

    I didn’t even think I was going to write on such and such a topic. The words flowed and I faithfully typed them into my MacBook. This is why it feels like God guided me through this. Before I knew it, in May, I had almost 30,000 words.

    At that point, I took the chance and wrote in to a publisher. Their automated response was heartbreaking. It said they’d respond in six months and if you didn’t hear from them by then, to take it as they weren’t interested. It was a cruel reality. But still I kept writing.

    Three or four days later, there was a response. One thing led to another, and I was offered a publishing contract. I boldly set my deadline as 31 July. Boy, did it feel overwhelming at points!

    I wrote and wrote and wrote. God just kept pouring out grace. People understood when I couldn’t meet up, I could focus, and the words just kept coming. I couldn’t believe how memories of all sorts of incidents became alive in my mind. It was sheer grace.

    What has all this got to do with why I was looking at a savoury cheese muffin recipe? Well, I’m celebrating! On 30 August, a few friends are coming by for dinner. It’s just a handful of us and I want to cook. They’re celebrating the fact that the book got written, with me! I’m planning to try these savoury cheese muffins as little starter bites. If they work well and don’t take too long, I may think about making them for 5 September, when my family comes over for a potluck gathering, to celebrate with me.

    I wish that my dad was around to see this. He knew I’d wanted to write but I couldn’t say what. I wish my mum could see this. She always said I had a book in me. As I celebrate with family and friends, I’ll be holding my dad and mum close to my heart.

    So now that I’ve answered this, it’s back to studying the recipe so that I can make it work!