Faith or Fear – Which Are We Feeding?

I just got off the phone with a dear friend. It’s funny how sometimes what is meant to be a five-minute conversation goes on for an hour or more. I love when this happens. It means that we’re spending time together. There are the friendships where this happens and the ones where we just stop communicating. There are a lot more friendships in the latter group, and we put it down to busyness, which makes me appreciate the times when I get to have these chats.

In our phone conversation, we talked about how fear holds us back. Sometimes we even make blanket decisions. How often do we say things like ‘I’m never going to trust anyone again!’? There are so many such stands that we take. We decide we’ll never give something a chance again after we’ve been hurt or when we’ve lost. We make declarations of how we’ll face certain elements, while ‘bravely’ shutting the door on other options. When we strip it all down, it is clear to see that we are afraid.

I don’t excuse myself from this. I had a great experience with a business partner. He was wonderful really, and he had amazing business sense. I felt very supported as a partner and even when our partnership ended, I never had any bad things to say about how it had all transpired. I was determined to find another such partner.

What this meant was that I closed the door to stepping out on my own at different points. I felt the need to have this partnership and that if I didn’t have one, I couldn’t move forward. There were various discussions had with different people at different points. But no matter how good they were, partnering with them never felt right. As such, I never ventured out on my own. Until now, that is.

I had to really think over a lot of things when I was made redundant. My redundancy came into effect in February 2025, but I knew from some time in September 2024 that things were in motion. Whilst negotiating severance terms, I frantically applied for jobs, attended interviews, and considered options that were put on the table before me.

There was initially zero clarity because I kept thinking I needed that partner. It took a while for my faith to kick in and confront me on this idea. Finally, I did realize that I wanted to have my own gig, and that I had a partner in the God I trust. It was terrifying, which made me realize that as much as I speak about trusting God, I don’t trust Him enough.

My business is slowly growing. It’s not always easy, but I can say that I love every minute of it. I am enjoying work again in a way that I hadn’t in a long time. Even that realization, of how I stayed in a job that I wasn’t fully enjoying out of fear that I wouldn’t be able to do better because of chronic illness. It annoys me now when I think that I boxed myself in. I didn’t think God could do His thing.

Fear is a real thing. It makes us so very timid and we put ourself into tiny spaces, almost trying to minimize our existence. This feeling is not always obvious. We layer it up in what we call ‘rational thought’ or ‘justified reasoning.’ At its core, it really is fear.

One of my favourite stories in the Bible is of the woman with blood issue who touches Jesus’ garment and is healed. The faith of that woman is truly beautiful. It is strong. In that time, she was considered unclean and shunned. For her to overcome that fear and seek her God, just moves me.

In recent times, I am reminded too of how I have been given faith. Faith is a gift from God – not something I can whip up on my own accord (Ephesians 2:8). I am very aware of this. Yet, this is a gift that I have to do something with. I have to feed it. This happens as I consistently engage with scripture (Romans10:17). It is important I do this because it helps me mature and grow deeper in my love, knowledge, and understanding of Jesus (1 Peter 2:2).

As I say this, I know immediately that the fault is my own. A lot of the time, I am truly guilty of feeding my fear instead of my faith. The foolishness I reveal in this is staggering. God is the same God yesterday, today, and forever. The God I believed in sent help to Hagar, who was pregnant and flees from Sarah’s harsh treatment. In the New Testament,  it is Sarah who represents the new covenant of grace by Jesus, not Hagar. And yet, God shows Hagar so much mercy and grace. I know this story. Why then do I feed my fear instead of my faith?

I think at the heart of it is the illusion that I can control things. There is nothing I can control. Little Gamora reminds me of this every single day, when she has moments thinking of whether to obey or not. In the beginning, I used doggy treats to persuade her to obey, and she has built a certain muscle memory. She now obeys with the hope of getting a treat. I tell you what, it works! Most of the time, she gets a reward.

Gamora demonstrates what I should be doing. I have God’s Word that shows me so many instances of His faithfulness to those before me. I have a lifetime of experience where I have indeed tasted God’s goodness. Yet, my muscle memory isn’t as good as Gamora’s. I forget. And I end up feeding my fears by dwelling on them instead of feeding my faith.

I think there’s a change of diet on the cards! From experience, I know this isn’t the easiest thing to do, but it is wise that I start being more focused on feeding my faith. I serve the God that my parents taught me about. I serve the God who gave me my faith. It is right that I serve Him by feeding my faith whenever I am fearful for He did not give all of us who profess a faith in Him, a spirit of timidity, but of power, love, and self-control.

As we start the charge towards closing out 2025, I am thankful for these thoughts that have been put into my heart to ponder upon. It  will be my prayer that I continue facing my fears with courage, knowing that I have a God that I can fully trust with the final outcome. I wish so very much that my dad was around for this conversation – he tried to tell me about this many times whenever he tried to prepare me for his passing. Papa, the penny has finally dropped. You and mummy have given me so much by growing me in Christ. I am eternally grateful for you both.