Being better in the new year.

There’s definitely something lovely about the Christmas season. Many people take time off and there are all sorts of things going on. Even people who don’t believe in Jesus celebrate the holidays. It is a time out. It is lovely catching up with family and friends in many instances, and there is a distinct slowing down of time. At least that’s how I feel. I want to say right up front that this season isn’t the easiest either. Some cave under the pressures of putting out and being present. Others struggle with loneliness, are grieving or struggling with some kind of issue or other.  It’s hard to spot them amidst the bright lights of the season and the focus is definitely on the prettiness and excitement of the moment. 

This year, as I wrote earlier, I have struggled with missing my father and mother. It’s been hard. There is a sense of loss that I am now feeling, which feels like a new appreciation of the loss in itself. It feels like a rather gut wrenching punch and the sensation of being choked is right up there. Yet there has been much to be thankful for. I’ve had a string of catch ups and events all through the month, and it’s been good to have some time off work which has been challenging. Now I can’t help but find myself looking forward to 2025 and wondering what it will be like. 

Social media platforms are full of things to do to achieve a better you in the new year. There’s all sorts of things out there. Some feisty sounding lists like ‘5 things to stop doing in the new year,’ or ’10 practical steps to achieve better communications.’ Oh there are so many ‘just do this’ and don’t do that’ lists out there. There’s also at points some quieter voices urging for the building of habits rather than the forming of resolutions. Apparently the former has a better chance of success than the later. They’re probably right, but it also feels old. It feels repetitive and familiar. The resolve that we try and pump into ourselves in these last few days of the year is phenomenal, as are the efforts of rallying the troops. ‘We can do this!’ Here’s to a better year ahead!’ It feels old. 

Even in these lovely, shiny days filled with celebrations of all sorts, where family and friends have been raising their glasses to good times and good things ahead, there have been some not so pleasant things going on. Airplanes crashing,bombings, and a whole host of other things including losses in sport (for those who take those things seriously). So it feels like no matter how much tinsel or fairy lights, and ornaments there are, it cannot hide what’s going on in the underbelly. Put some of these goings on next to a list of five things to improve the coming year, you’ll see how weak it all is. 

I’m not in the least suggesting that we stop trying to be better. Gosh, no. That would be too defeatist. We must always look forward to growth in ourselves and our community. This is always a good challenge. I’m just overwhelmed at the simplicity in which we approach self-improvement and resolve. It’s almost romantic to think that whatever we struggle with in this year will magically fade away in the year ahead, or that we will develop some super strategies to deal with the  various situations that we’re in. The truth is that our circumstances don’t change overnight. Not even in the lead up to a new year. It is great if you’re taking forward a great set of circumstances. For instance if you’re getting married and are planning a wedding, there is a lot of joy that’s being carried forward. Or, if you’re starting a new job, or moving into a new home, there are general levels of excitement that may have some usual anxieties alongside. These are in general good things and these are fine to carry on into the new year. I think, anyway. What if you’re dealing with not so pleasant situations? What if you’re dealing with a marriage ending and needing to work out what life looks like after this? What if you’ve lost your nearest and dearest? How do you pick up the pieces? What if you’ve got a chronic or terminal illness and need to march forward into the new year? How does it bode when you’re not sure how your illness will progress? What if you’re don’t have a home or loved ones around you? What if loneliness is your closest friend? What if you’re dealing with some financial burdens? The list of such difficulties is long. The worst part is that they carry on into the new year and the bright shiny year is now tainted by the past. There seems to be no escape. It can be devastating and overwhelming. I feel that the advice and motivations on how to do or be better in the year ahead have very little impact in the face of some of what we’re going through.

As I walk into 2025, I feel a stab of sadness. I start remembering my mum’s passing as her nineteenth anniversary comes up. I’ve never stopped missing her grounded wisdom in Christ. I’m sad as I go into another year without her and this is now compounded by my dad’s absence. Another year without him. I don’t want it. I had him for absolute ages after mum passed. Admittedly, we communicated very differently, but we connected. I don’t want to head into another year without either of them. I’ve read different articles on moving ahead in 2025, I feel they fall short of helping me with what I really need to do. When I wake up on 1 January 2025, I will feel the same absence of my mum’s and dad’s presence in my life. That’s my reality. 

There are various challenges that I’ll be taking with me into 2025. I’m not about to spell them all. I’m very sure that everyone out there is going to be carrying some not so great situations into the new year. Some things aren’t going away by 31 December 2024. That’s the truth. 

It’s hard to leave out Christmas from all these thoughts that come flooding into my mind. Christmas is when we hear the words ‘love’, ‘peace’, ‘joy’, and ‘hope’ being spoken, sung, and stuck even on greeting cards and gift wrapping materials. It is everywhere! Even in commercial Christmas, this is the season of love, peace, joy, and hope. Commercial Christmas’ concepts of love, peace, joy, and hope fall short, I think, very much like the how to be better lists and advice of the sages. There is a shallowness because it cannot deal with our circumstances in the future. The hope of Christmas, I am reminded, is in Christ. Conversations with fellow believers and reading scripture confirm this. The celebration of the birth of Jesus isn’t the same as how we celebrate a newborn into our homes. The celebration of his birth is possible even in the midst of some tragic or difficult circumstances because of the hope that he brought. He brought hope that one day we will all be reconciled to God. This may not be very exciting on some levels, but it really should get us rearing to go. 

It’s hard to really explain the sense of weariness I get when I read the various ways to do things better, or how to be more effective. The list of how tos is long! The problem is it all depends on me. It depends on me doing something or other. There are days I cannot do much. On days when I’m drowning in grief, the last thing I have on my mind is how to be better at something. On the days when my chronic illness’s favourite symptom, which is chronic fatigue, shows up, I can barely open my eye lids. I don’t think any of the how tos is even in my blurred thoughts. I’m not alone in this. So many of us are weary. We’re going through so much. Yet we’re constantly being pushed to be better, and to make our lives better. 

It’s precisely here that I can stop and say that I am thankful for Jesus. In Matthew 11: 28-30, Jesus makes a startling claim (yes, another one!): “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”  What a claim! It’s one that I have thought about at different points in my life. Perhaps now, as I am at my lowest because of this grief I’m carrying, and because life keeps moving forward and I’m struggling to keep up with its pace, this claim brings me a semblance of peace. The struggle to be the best, even in terms of living out my faith, can be laid to rest. Why? Because all that is asked of me is to trust in Jesus and the salvation He has provided. 

Jesus’ coming into the world demonstrates the love that God has for us. A love so deep that He was willing to humble Himself as man and die upon the cross. It was a horrific death too. Total abandonment- even God the Father turned His face away. And there it is, right there. Jesus came into this world and lived the life I couldn’t live. I cannot imagine showing such humility in the face of anything He went through. I struggle with humility. It’s something I need to deepen. He lived perfectly. We don’t need to go far. My thoughts display a despairing lack of perfection, and we’ve not got to my words and deeds. Recently, I wrote a very angry email response. I did what I tell people I’m training not to do! My response was rather harsh and I was disappointed in myself for having sent it off. I did apologise later, and I regret my choice of expressions. That is but one failing. I have made many, many, many such failures. I gawked when I read a list of how to communicate more effectively in the new year. One of the suggestions was to change the words I use in my own thoughts when thinking about the people who offend me. Good luck! 

It’s all of these things that make me realise that yes, whilst I want to work towards a better me, the battle isn’t mine. If it were, I’m quitting right now. I’m thankful that Jesus took it up for me. I’m thankful that He got it right for me. He kept mum when He was taunted, ridiculed, and treated most unfairly. And because He’s paid for my sin, I don’t need a list on how to be better. I don’t need to fear the hard situations from 2024 that will follow me into 2025. I just need to focus on Him and let Him grow me through them. The work is His. It’s hit me so hard that for the first time, the power of Matthew 11: 28-30 where Jesus claims to give us rest, is real. I am thankful for this. Small growth spurt before the year ends! Because of Jesus, I know that the challenges that will follow me into 2025 are going to shape me in His image. I can live with that. 

Papa and mummy, I wish I could share this with you. I must trust Jesus with this grief. I know it doesn’t mean I will stop crying these tears. It just means I can take a moment and cry without the pressure of needing to be better and run at the pace set by everyone else around me. I love you both and miss you. Thank you for teaching me about Jesus.