Gamora on friendship

Little Gamora and I managed a walk in the park today. It’s sort of a gloomy Saturday morning, which isn’t necessarily unpleasant. It is cool. Whilst there are parts of the park which are wetter than most days, it’s a different kind of beauty as the sun rays are reflected off wet blades of grass and leaves. For Gamora, all that matters is that we’re out there! Together. She loves the park. She loves being outside. She loves being with me.

I’ve been observing Gamora quite a bit. Over my dad’s birthday, I didn’t want to be at home, so I went to a pet friendly place only an hour away. It was lovely there- set in a jungle, where you hear all sorts of sounds coming through the woody paths. I had a lot of time alone with Gamora as we explored. My RA has progressed to my left hip (Yippee! Not!). I’ve been finding it a bit more challenging with stairs and in the jungle resort we were at, every path was way below, and the only way to get to them was via large, steep, uneven stairs. I was initially a bit nervous about going but I felt that I needed to give Gamora an opportunity to stretch her legs. Boy, did she have to stretch her little legs! There were stairs that were just too high. She managed jumping down, but couldn’t reach them going up without help. My help. My help was inadequate as I couldn’t carry her. I had to be mindful about each step as I could feel my hip (So fun! Not!). Part of me was worried that little Gamora would dash off. I was scared of falling and even more terrified of losing her. But this little shorty behaved immaculately! She waited for me to help her – a little boost for her to get to the next step -and then a pause as I climbed that stair. Boost. Pause. Boost. Pause. I was amazed at her patience and cooperation. We were so synched. It was wonderful!

Even this morning at the park, I noticed the same patience and cooperation. Of course all bets are off when she spots a monitor lizard, squirrel, or whatever else that catches her keen hunter eyes. But for the most part, she’s doing great. She seems to understand that she shouldn’t do certain things right now. She even waits patiently as I try to take photos of water lotuses and other flowers. She’s such a great companion!

I’m not humanising Gamora – I don’t want to. She’s way too cute as a pup! I love her loads as she is, and she’s given me some insight into the many blessings I have in my friends. These past ten months have been tough for me. So tough. The loss of my father is significant on its own. As if it weren’t enough, it’s adding on to the loss of my mother, which was crippling. It’s meant the loss of my immediate family, the loss of home as I know it. It’s the loss of my safest zones among folk I know. Loss of love and acceptance like no other. It has been tough. Through this tough season, I have been helped.

I have been helped by friends. Words elude me on how to express my thanks for their presence in my life. My best friend is in the UK and yet, it feels like she’s right here. Our communications have gone up. I look forward to our chats more than ever. She’s also dealing with significant loss. Yet she’s been there. She and her husband are coming over in August so that I’m not alone during the first anniversary of my dad’s passing. I’m moved beyond words. How do I love them both back? They’re being present in a way I cannot thank them enough for. There are others too. Some of my friends here in Malaysia have been beyond amazing. They’ve stood by me as I attended a remembrance service for my dad. We have brunch dates. They come over to my home at different points and fill my home with laughter and good conversation! They also let me cry. There are various other friends who have come by quite a bit or when it isn’t possible to meet, are in constant communication. They cannot know how much I appreciate this. It’s more than I can express. Some of my former and present colleagues and other friends both in Malaysia or overseas have been stellar in their support. Some of them have also been dealing with significant loss. How do I thank them for being my bright rays? They’ve encouraged and listened. Like I said earlier, I have been helped.

There are some relationships that I rue. I know communications between some friends and I may never recover after this. They’ve just not been there. It hurts because I know I’ve been around for them when they’ve needed me to be. Yet, I acknowledge that it is hard for them to be a friend right now because I am so changed. My grief has caused this change in me and it is here to stay. It means the dynamics of our relationships have changed. These haven’t been rude or unkind. They’ve just not been there. I guess these relationships may see a natural end or they may remain in existence in some sort of shadow of what they formerly were. I don’t have an answer for this. Perhaps something will present itself in time. I seek wisdom.

Coming back to my observations of little Gamora, I realise there is an art to companionship. Gamora, almost intuitively slows down and waits for me when I’m slow and is equally willing to wait for me when I want to give her a hand. I think it’s obvious to my little one that the assistance I was giving her as she tried to navigate those huge, steep stairs, was short of what was truly needed, which was me picking her up and carrying her. She knew I couldn’t. We worked to a rhythm we were comfortable with and trust was built through this. I think this is what I feel with all my friends. I’m not knocking the friends who’ve been there, but it hasn’t been possible for anyone to be with me as I cry myself to sleep at night, when I miss my mum and dad. It hasn’t been possible to be with me when I come down the stairs each morning remembering what happened in my dad’s room on 23 August last year. It isn’t possible for anyone to be with me like that. I certainly don’t expect it. I can’t do that for anyone either. It is humanly impossible! Yet, I think trust is built when we meet each other where we can. We recognise our limitations, and we go ahead and offer up what we can. The friends I am thankful for have done this. Little Gamora made me see this.

I have been helped. I know my friends are a blessing to me from God. I know He has been a friend to me through all this. He is the one constant friend who is there at all times – when I cry myself to sleep or come down those stairs, etc. He is always there. One of my favourite verses in the Bible is Isaiah 41:10, which says ‘fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you,

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.’ This friendship is good, and I am learning to lean in more on this constant, unwavering God who has reconciled me to Himself through His Son. He knows that I am incapable of fully appreciating Him because He is unseen, and so He sends me others to help me- and I am grateful for the friends He has blessed me with. He tells us in 1 Thessalonians 5:11 to always encourage and build one another up. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says: ‘Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!’ How true this is! From the many conversations with friends near and far, I’ve experienced this over and over. I pray I am too such a friend to them.

Such a wonderful lesson in friendship through this short, floppy eared, bouncy little creature. I’m thankful to God for Gamora. I’m thankful to God for my friends. You have spurred me on in this difficult season of life, where I’m deeply feeling the loss of friendship from my parents. You are such blessings. Thank you.