Grief hits hard

It is impossible to be unaffected by loss. When you’ve endured loss, another’s grief resonates more closely than you’d like. It’s almost as if there are tears you find, that remind you how you’re still not done crying for your own losses. Perhaps it is what enables us to feel some sort of empathy. Otherwise, we may all be sitting in some pristine tower looking down at how weak those who’re grieving are.

Grief hits hard. It hits very hard.

More often than not, we’re told to be strong. The appearance of stoicism, the ability to hold back tears and block emotion from appearing are much lauded. We comment on how strong someone must be just coz they’re able to get back to things almost immediately. We don’t seem to hold in esteem anyone who’s struggling or who needs more time. It’s almost as if there’s a judgment box. How long more will they need to grieve? Why’s it taking so long to recover? Why can’t they just get over it?

Grief hits hard. It hits very hard.

I think that we’ve been brought up to downplay our grief. Letting tears show is a definite sign of weakness. We’ve been thought to blink back. We’ve been taught to suppress any feelings of sadness and to do all we can to forget. Sometimes, after you’ve lost someone dear, you find that not many people who will give you the space to speak of them. We’re meant to speak only of happy things. Drown your sorrows. Don’t let your pain be seen. Saying this, I must add that bereavement isn’t the only source of grief. We cry because of breakups, divorce, job or financial losses, health issues, etc. The list is a long one.

Grief hits hard. It hits very hard.

This unnatural approach to grief perhaps shows us how out of touch we are with ourselves and our true natures. I write as a Christian and it is through this lens that I process my grief. It’s been a long journey of learning as I grieve over various things. It has been such a remarkable journey and as I read God’s Word and process things, I have felt like I’ve been made to face my grief head on. There has been no shirking back, no ignoring the facts as they present themselves.

Grief hits hard. It hits very hard.

So what does my Christian world view say? It tells me that because of Jesus’ death and resurrection, all believers will have eternal life (John 3:16). This is the greatest and most glorious gift ever to believers. Believers cling to this truth. We believe that the Son of God emptied Himself of glory and identified Himself as man to die for us (Philippians 2: 5-8). This truth also informs me that when we bid our farewells to fellow believers, we are not to grieve like those without hope (1 Thessalonians 4: 13-18). This is a promise on how all those who have gone on before us will rise. The life that we will have is beyond any of the troubles we face right now, which are temporal in nature (Romans 8:18, 2 Corinthians 4:17, 1 Peter 5: 10). The promise isn’t that there will be bliss the moment you accept Christ. That’s not the case. In fact, it is quite the opposite. The good news is that all the pain we feel in this present life is temporal and there will come a day when we no longer have to battle with flesh and decay the way we do now. It will be life the way it was intended – without sin infiltrating it and causing all sorts of problems. There will be no more death one day. But until then, we have no escape. Our loved ones die. We die too. All these promises remind us of one big thing: the world as it is isn’t how God intended it to be. There’s a lot that will really upset us.

Grief hits hard. It hits very hard.

Take Jesus when he goes to Lazarus after the later has died. We’re simply told that He wept (John 11:35). He wept. He who was about to raise Lazarus, wept. He wept because death is indeed a hard burden to bear and it shows exactly how things aren’t meant to be. He gives us a model of how we can weep. He gives us an example of how much death moves us (John 11:38). The Lord of life showed us how hard grief is. He showed us that it is okay for us to be moved by it even though it is temporary. So if loss hits hard, it is okay. If it moves you or causes you to stagger, it is okay. It is okay if it leaves some kind of mark. However, be comforted because Jesus didn’t just leave it there. If He had, there would be no reason to say we can grieve but not as those without hope. The story doesn’t end with Lazarus’s temporal resurrection. Lazarus did eventually die. The story progresses to Jesus heading towards Jerusalem to take our place on the cross, accepting the humiliation and torture that was ours and embracing the death which was meant to be ours. Again that’s not the end. It goes on to show Jesus rising again from the dead and ultimately defeating death for us all. So yes, whilst as believers we have this pain of death, we also have the certain hope of a resurrection. Perhaps now, as we go through the pain of grief, there can be moments of comfort where we can see that whilst grief may hit us hard, because of Jesus, that hit is temporary. Let us not, however, dismiss the suffering of a fellow believer as they mourn a loss. Rather, let us remember how our Lord Himself wept. It wasn’t a display of weakness. It was sorrow for the way things aren’t how they are meant to be. Perhaps it is in the depths of our sorrow, that we too display the heart of Christ. Perhaps it is in that moment of sadness and loss, that He grants us insight into how it really isn’t okay. Perhaps we can be bold and embrace these tears- which are temporary. For we also know that whilst we sorrow, there will come a day when we rejoice. That rejoicing will never cease. Unlike our sorrow, it isn’t temporal. It will be forever. Yes, grief does hit hard. Yes, it hits very hard. But no – it doesn’t last forever.