Loki came to live with us at the end of September 2019. At 18 days, he was tiny, injured and barely clinging on to life. I wasn’t sure if he would make it and it was really difficult caring for him and ensuring his survival. Loki’s initial injuries meant that I couldn’t socialise him right away. He needed to be kept away from other dogs and I couldn’t let people simply pick him at the risk of causing more injury. I followed the advice of the vet so very strictly. Loki was fragile and I did all I could to bring him out of that state. God really answered prayers and paved a way for Loki to grow into the healthy, bouncy doggy he is now.
Sometime towards the end of January 2020, I started taking Loki for classes. It felt like a good way to get him on the path of socialising. Little did I know, there was a pandemic around the corner and all these opportunities for Loki came crashing. Very shortly after that, work from home instructions ensued. Loki was probably the happiest one of all, because it meant that I was home all the time. To own the truth, he barely knew what it was for me to be away from him. I used to take him to the office in his carrier just to manage his feeding. He was unable to take in a normal amount and so his feeding was broken up into shorter schedules. I even took him to church, when I had to lead a discussion! Loki doesn’t yet know what it means for me to be away.
As I write this, things are opening up here in Malaysia and you could say the same in most places. All of us are striving to get on with life after the pandemic. There are protocols to follow, but there is some sort of movement of people again. I’m not sure how it will be for Loki when I head back to the office. Even now, on days when I go to hospital, when I definitely cannot take him with me, it is so very difficult. He cries and whines as I leave and when I come back, he yelps his disapproval of having been left behind. Then there’s a long routine of greeting, cuddling him and having my face licked non-stop. The relief is palpable for Loki. I am home.
I use these trips to hospital (how I wish they were elsewhere) to show Loki that separation is not too bad. I give him treats as I leave so he has a good experience to associate with my walking out the door, and I bring him little treats when I come back to show him another positive experience. He’s not fully buying into this! Yet, I know I must keep weaning him off his need to be so close to me 24/7.
This makes me think about God and me. Here I am thinking that I’m training Loki, but it has dawned on me that Loki has just taught me a very important lesson about God and how I am with Him. I don’t suffer from separation anxiety from God. I really need to! What I mean is that, Loki is desperate to be with me, right by my side, walking, playing or even just sleeping. How desperate am I to be this way with God? How is it, I can rush through my daily quiet times or not think about Him for long chunks of the day?
Loki is showing me an emotional dependence that I need to cultivate with God. It does require me to know my place. Loki knows his place is right in my arms or by my side. He feels safest and most loved when he is there. My head tells me that God is good. My head also tells me to plan for and solve things on my own. Who am I kidding? These past months have shown me how little I truly control. I could plan till the cows came home and achieve nothing.
Reliance on God doesn’t come easily to me. It is about trust. As I read the book of Job with some wonderful friends, I am realising how much I let my expectations of God and what I want from Him in terms of a response, dictate my closeness to Him. How wrong I have been. My response to God should be because He is good and He is where I am truly most loved and where I am safest. The cross shows me that. The glorious Son of God, Jesus, died for me, not only demonstrating love for someone who doesn’t deserve His love, but also to protect this person from such death and punishment.
God does speak to us in different ways. The Spirit convicts us of our wrongs and grows us. Yet again, He has used my little, floppy, imperfect bodied Loki, to show me truth that I must cling to. As I wean Loki off being too clingy, I must drive myself to cling to my Saviour. This is going to be a very busy time! So thankful to God for this challenging lesson. May I cling to Him for always. Oh Lord, help me in this! I am grateful to God for using Loki to teach me yet another lesson!
Grace for the soul 
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