Fear in the age of the Corona virus

We are in interesting times right now. Most countries are exercising some kind of lock down or social distancing because of the Corona virus. In Malaysia, a Restriction of Movement Order (RMO) was issued commencing 18 March. All over social media and in face to face conversations, the spread of the Corona virus, the RMO in Malaysia and lock downs in different countries and a whole host of other Covid19 related topics are the focal point.

On the one hand, we see panic and anxiety at work. We have people running out and panic buying. Viral videos on fights for toilet paper shock and entertain at the same time. We also see complete apathy. There are those who take quite an abusive tone and make harsh, sarcastic comments about everyone else. It’s impossible to miss the sneer in their posts. Then there are those who cannot be reasoned with, who insist on going on with life as if there was no virus to contend with. They ignore social distancing calls and perhaps end up putting some lives in danger. There are those who feel the situation has given them a perfect mask for racist and xenophobic comments. You can always spot the racists, xenophobes and the religious intolerant folk. Their cries ring out louder than most and what they say is unmistakable. A certain population, people of religious beliefs, or a racial group are undeniably the cause of the virus. Calls for avoidance and aggression fall from their lips. There are too the wonderful voices of wit, who inject much needed humour into what is a difficult situation. We mustn’t forget the voices of calm and reason that ring out too, amidst the chaos. They call for order and calm and remind us about helping one another. So many voices going on at the same time, while the virus marches on steadily without the division that slows us down.

These are interesting times indeed! I’ve been working from home for awhile now. I was unwell, which necessitated me working from home. The Corona virus has now resulted in this working from home being extended. I’m not arguing with it – it makes sense to do all we can to contain the virus. I was just saying to a few different people I’ve been messaging, that the impact Covid19 has on daily life doesn’t cease to amaze me. Restaurants are closed. Some that can manage no contact deliveries or pick ups are staying open but that’s not very many. Cities and towns are empty. There’s hardly anyone out and about. Supermarket shelves have been cleared out. Toilet paper has found new prominence in grocery items. Factory workers to bankers are all affected in how they work and, in some instances, in how they are paid. Schools, universities, places of worship, etc. are all closed. Online lessons and streaming options are being discussed and utilized. Everyone’s having to make changes. I’m barely scratching the surface with some of what I’ve mentioned here.

I cannot imagine the worry and anxiety for different people. I feel for those who are working in the health industry and who bravely face the virus at the risk of exposure to it. I don’t for a minute think we can properly thank them or appreciate the heroism that we’re seeing here. We’ve seen different examples of it before in firefighters, soldiers or armed forces, social workers, care givers, etc., who’ve gone ahead to act selflessly in the face of the different terrors that have arisen. The worries they have inside, which they somehow put aside to serve is just beyond words. The anxiety their families and friends may endure is another thing. It’s difficult enough facing a problem, without knowing that a loved one is putting their life on the line. There are a whole host of worries: there are people who rely on meals in schools for their kids; there are people whose jobs don’t allow them work from home options; there are people who don’t get paid when they can’t work and the virus has meant shutdowns of factories or other workplaces; there are people who are old or ill or in some other way incapacitated and who cannot rush out and get supplies, etc.; there are people who are cut off from care or aid that they need during this time; and the list is endless. It suffices to say that this is truly a worrying time.

In some small measure (maybe not so small!), I am worried too. I am worried because of how Covid19 is impacting my own work. Every plan has been scrapped: travels to meet and connect with new, budding partners have been put on hold; events I had envisioned to raise awareness for my work cannot go on as planned; even meetings with partners and new contacts are being called off. I worry that this means failure. I feel almost silly confessing this when I look at the other worries that exist. I am worried about my aged father. Old people are particularly susceptible. I am worried too that I won’t be able to manage things fully because of my own illness and that the medications I’m on for it are suppressing my immune system. It is almost as if this virus is striking at the heart of my own capabilities in my personal life. I have no control or power over it. It doesn’t bode well with me.

I think of God and I join Christians all over the world in praying to Him for reprieve. I pray with fervour on some days. On other days, I struggle to pray. My inconsistencies are terribly consistent. I acknowledge this with shame.

As I struggle to struggle in prayer more diligently, I am reminded of the wonderful verse in Isaiah 41:10, where God says: ‘…fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.’ I confess, I struggle with this one sometimes, as much as I love the verse. God doesn’t give me an answer to a problem. He gives me Himself. I think my problem is, I mostly don’t know what to do with Him. To my mind, I have no doubt that He can strengthen or help me. I have no doubt. He’s the Creator of the universe. He commands all things. I guess I just don’t know what it will look like when He strengthens or helps me.

As I write this, I’m a little worried about the light wheeze that’s developing in my lungs and the slight temperature that I’m running. I’ll definitely go see a doctor in the morning, but I’d much rather not have anything to do with the Corona virus and if it’s up to me, it’ll be completely gone by the morning. I messaged friends of mine, my family in Christ, to say I’m not feeling so well. Guess what? So many prayers are pouring through – and this feels like an outpouring of love: generous and warm. It makes me wonder if God’s schooling me right now as I work out the implications of Isaiah 41:10. He shows me He is with me through this outpouring of care. It’s never how I’d work it out. Maybe that’s the deeper issue: if it were up to me, it’d never be God alone that suffices. That’s another shameful confession. As much as I know He is good and He is the only truth that matters, it is difficult to relinquish control. I wouldn’t have chosen Covid19 under any circumstances. Yet I hope that as things go on, I am better able to work out Isaiah 41: 10 and reconcile the truth I know to its practical application in my life.

May God grant us all His mercies at this time.