I believe

Christians all over the world are coming together to reflect on the cross where Jesus died for us. It is such an emotional time because we are often overwhelmed by the magnitude of the sacrifice that Jesus made. This is especially in light of who we are. The worthy dying for the unworthy just does not make sense. It is so hard to understand and many are disgusted by the idea of this sacrifice that was required by God.

I cannot imagine Eden. I cannot imagine this perfect world that God created. I cannot imagine the perfect world He promises. There’s so much wrong with the world. We have war torn countries where millions are displaced or suffering from food shortages. We have countries where everything is at a halt because of belligerent leaders. Poverty in some of these places is just scary. In many countries, corruption reigns- some more refined than others. There are huge battles on gender and issues of sexuality as well as on the issue of freedom to embrace faith. There are so many issues! I cannot list them all. I understand how sin entered the world from the perspective of the Bible and I understand that this means we ought not be surprised by some of what’s going on. This is difficult. Even on a personal level, we see degeneration in our bodies and minds. We struggle with ageing, sickness and stress. Factor in difficult relationships – or any relationship. There is death. The list is unending. We struggle with so much. Sometimes we can see how some of our struggles have been a means by which God has corrected areas of sin in our lives or by which He has shown us mercy and compassion. Sometimes, we see this. But most of the time, there are so many things going on that are just so painful to watch and which we cannot fix. All of this is why, I struggle to understand Eden or the new world. I cannot even begin to comprehend peace, joy and contentment. I cannot comprehend being free of pain and tears.

At the moment, I am waiting to watch The Avengers: Endgame. How will my favourite superheroes undo the genocide brought about by Thanos through the infinity stones? I have been watching the different Marvel movies to whet my appetite on what is to come to cinemas near me in a week’s time. There is so much excitement about how a group of heroes will save the world. There is also a lot of heroism, pomp and grandeur. Yet, the world that they save, inevitably goes back to the world as we know it: still full of poverty, environmental, and political issues on a global level. Individual lives are left unchanged too. The same relational problems and other struggles remain. Even Hollywood doesn’t help me picture the freedom that Jesus’ salvation claims to bring.

Still, I believe.

I believe simply because I am a recipient of grace. I am very sure on this score because I otherwise cannot see myself buying into this idea of a perfect world to come. I cannot buy into it simply because I  cannot fathom it. However, I believe it because I have been granted grace. So I believe that the Bible is God’s Word. As I study it, it makes complete sense. I believe that Jesus, perfectly God, became man to take my sin. Why didn’t this Almighty God just forgive sin? Every sin is against God and God is just. A just God means that He cannot simply overlook sin. Overlooking a wrong doesn’t make us good- in case we think this. A just God must punish sin. However, God is also merciful and loving. And so, instead of making us pay for our sin, He paid for it Himself. I believe this. Why He did it, is something I cannot imagine. Simply, it is because I cannot imagine suffering any penalty in the place of a loved one. I mean, I may walk with them, try to comfort them, but to take their place? I don’t think so. So I know that there is some sort of intervention here, that enables me to believe. The Bible tells me that this is grace: ‘For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God…’  (Ephesians 2:8). I can accept it though I cannot explain it.

I want to thank Jesus for His sacrifice. I want to thank Him as I journey in my faith because there has been so much grace. I cannot imagine the perfect world without pain and sorrow: “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” – Revelation 21:4. I want to thank Him for dying for me, despite the ugliness of my sin. I want to thank Him for the hope I have that His Spirit will work in to bring to completion the work He has started in me: And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. – Philippians 1:6.

Most of all though, I want to thank Him for this hope that I have where I won’t cry or feel pain anymore. As petty as my problems are in the face of the larger issues plaguing the world, I still cry for my mum. Now – I also cry for Patches and for the degenerative nature of my illness. I am so relieved that I don’t have to fix anything. I want to thank Jesus for the grace He has given me even now in the midst of all this difficulty: there are friends and family that make the problems I face seem alright. They help me work things out and I hope I return the favour to them. There are chats, laughs, good food and drink that make me go “wow” and totally overwhelm me. There is kindness that comes my way that I know I don’t deserve. With all of this happening here in the now and with the promise I have to look forward to, I thank You, Jesus, for letting me believe.