Christmas and me

Christmas is almost here and I’ve not organized a single get together at my place. This is such a stark contrast to my usual Christmas celebrations. Last year alone, I hosted either 7 or 8 Christmas parties for different friends – just to celebrate Christmas! This time, I’ve not even baked a Christmas cake, let alone put up my Christmas tree. We are having a bit of work done at home at the moment and the bulk of the work is just complete – but there is still some work left to be sorted out. Anyhow hopefully the dust will literally settle after the cleaners leave this evening and I will be able to put up the tree. All of this feels so different from last year and the years past.

The one big thing I can say is that Christmas means more to me now than ever before. These last few months have been difficult in many ways. Somehow through all these, I am learning so much that’s brought me to this point where I am even more thankful for Christmas than I have been for a long while.

First up, I’ve had the privilege of walking alongside a sister in Christ who has suffered abuse in her marriage for 7 whole years. The pain I see her going through, the difficulties she has had making people understand the nature of the abuse, the pressure that has been put on her to reconcile and the changes she is having to address in her life as a result of the abuse have in a strange way had an impact on me. Much to my dismay, I recognize that I am limited in my capacity to help her. I cannot make this all better. I cannot do more. To my joy, I thank God for the blessing I have been given by God in my parents. Oh my God, I will never stop thanking You for them. My mum’s no longer with us so I sat down and I thanked dad for the upbringing they gave me. It wasn’t perfect – heavens no. Yet – it has been so good and so full of love. It has been secure. I thank God for the blessing He has given me in my friends. I recognize that my friends, whether near or far, are like family to me. We don’t always share the same world view or ideas. An example of this is we don’t all like Benedict Cumberbatch (thankfully – coz I hate sharing!). Yet we have shared so much – good and bad and we have stuck it out. We have hurt each other and we have built each other up and we have stuck it out. We have had heated exchanges but our friendship has remained constant. Oh my God, I will never stop thanking You for them. My friend’s situation has made me see that a lot of these things I take or have taken for granted are really not at all common. I am humbled that her suffering has been the means for me to learn such a valuable lesson: I am loved by God. The Lord Jesus has blessed me. I will be the first to admit that I am tired as a result of this journey. I am drained from the entire thing – and I cannot even begin to imagine how she feels. I am also overwhelmed because I am blessed. My prayer is – that I will share this blessing with my friend – and anyone else I possibly can.

Second, this year has been so very difficult because I have been watching my father age. I haven’t realized how yuck I have been feeling inside watching this until yesterday, when he sat me down and asked me to help put somethings down in a will for him as he wants it to be easy for me in the event anything happens to him. Last night, I balled my eyes out. Don’t get me wrong – my dad is 84 years old and he is still very independent. He drives himself out for breakfast and lunch, he has been very involved in the work we’ve been doing around the house and he’s incredibly supportive of me. It hasn’t always been easy between dad and me. I am my mother’s daughter in many ways and dad is a quieter, more reserved personality. Yet, as he ages, I see a kindness that is coming out even more than before – just so that I, his impetuous only child, understand the depths of his love for me. Mum always told me that he loved me loads. Well, I never claimed to be a fast learner! There’s a fragility that is setting in: a weakness in his physicality that is hard to bear. There are moments when he struggles for breath and when the exhaustion is overwhelming. I don’t know how to cope with this – I truly don’t. You think you are prepared for it all but you never are. Through dad’s ageing, I am learning how dependent we are on God and how He supports us through this. Thank You God for papa. Thank You for his goodness and kindness. I am very blessed indeed. Oh my God, how You have loved me! My prayer is that I can be as generous to others as papa and mummy have been to me.

Third, I almost lost Patches this year. I almost lost him twice. Once in January because of a poisoning and then at the end of October thanks to a tumor that erupted inside him. My darling creature is showing signs of slowing down – the operation has aged him and he is getting on in years too. He takes more time to show me how much he loves me: now we have to stop more times as we come down the stairs just so that he can give me the most heart-melting look and claim a quick rub around his face and ears. He’s become even more keen to please and I’m treasuring every single day with him. Even here, I find that I am blessed. All my life, I thought the best partner for me would be someone sophisticated – well-spoken, wise… well – someone along the lines of Benedict Cumberbatch! J Yet – one of the best companions I have, my partner in crime, is a four-legged creature that wags his tail and shakes his bum like no tomorrow. He doesn’t say a word and is scared of his own reflection in the mirror! He’s incredibly cowardly and loves playing with a teddy bear. Oh what great company he is! He is constant and faithful and ever so pleasing. I find myself once again overwhelmed with this blessing of Patches. He has been the perfect companion in ways I cannot even comprehend or believe. Oh my God, how You have loved me! My prayer is that I can be as accepting of others as how Patches is accepting of me.

So what’s all this got to do with Christmas? Well, I believe that we celebrate Christmas to thank God for the Christ-child who was born so that He could die to save us from our sins. I am so grateful that Christmas isn’t only about getting together and beautiful Christmas trees. It isn’t about the cookies and cakes we make or the enormous spreads we put out. It is about the generosity of the living God who did not spare His Son but sent Him into a world of sinners. He sent Him into this world where relationships were broken between humanity and Himself, between humanity and the world around it and within humanity itself. He sent Jesus so that we have the certain promise of life hereafter. As if all this wasn’t overwhelming enough, I can see rich blessings poured into my life – blessings not measurable by dollars or cents, fame or recognition – but blessings that have uplifted me, spurred me on and humbled me. It is true that I in my lack of wisdom may not have sought these blessings but have sought others. Yet, God in His mercy and wisdom blessed me so richly. These blessings are in addition to the greatest blessing of forgiveness and eternal life that Christmas brings. I have done nothing to deserve them – they are purely grace I have received from Jesus. For this Oh God, I thank You. My prayer is that I will always thank You – and never forget Your grace to me.