My weekends with the Bookhammers

I met Gary and Diane Bookhammer in church when they came to live here in Kuala Lumpur. They are such an unassuming couple and both display such mild, gentle  yet ever so welcoming manners that it was difficult not to be taken in. They have delicious senses of humour, that differ slightly from one another’s and there’s a warmth in their tones when discussing matters that are of importance. It was easy to like them! Both have lovely voices – and were part of our music team in church. Practices with them were great because they were ever so encouraging and enthusiastic. It was difficult not to be touched by their gentle energy.

I cannot remember how or when, but we started spending a lot more time together out of church. I blame this gap in my memory on the million and one things that seemed to be going on in my life at that point. I was trying to pick up the pieces from losing my mum, breaking up with a long term boyfriend, coping with a career change as well as with changes to myself as a result of juggling all these things that were going on. Each of these events had certain consequences in my life that were not necessarily easy to bear. Most times, I felt a certain amount of tension within myself because I needed to put forward a front and not cause alarm among family and friends over these events that had happened in my life, all of which I’d viewed as loss and failure. I wasn’t coping well with these changes and I was finding it more and more difficult to talk about them because I was getting less and less able to identify them as the root causes of the ever ready tears that seemed to be only a blink away. I felt things spiraling out of control and I felt like I was about to lose my grip completely. I found it almost impossible to speak about the clouds of sadness that I seemed enveloped in and that I felt were now dictating the terms on which I lived my life.

It was in the middle of this hurricane that I met the calm of the Bookhammers – a pure Godsend. Little did I know it but I was finding it ever so easy to spend time in their presence. They said nothing that was judgmental and were ever ready listeners – even when I didn’t know what it is I had to say. There were times when Diane would put on the coffee and both she and Gary would chat to me about some event or other in their lives, which would help me open up on some of the turmoil that was going on inside. I remember the first time when I properly confided in them about the things that were dragging me down. They’d seen through the “brave front” that I’d been putting up and they’d worried about me, prayed for me and practically helped me to identify and express my feelings. I’m not very good at identifying and expressing feelings that bring me down. My mind doesn’t seem to want to recognise that such feelings could be a  part of me. So – the ability of the Bookhammers  to extract my troubles helped me to slowly realise how highly strung and wound up I’d become and just how much stress I was under.

There was never any kind of judgment. Only sound advice, solidarity and love. It was almost tangible. I always felt embraced in love. If ever there was an example of love within the family of Christ, this was it!

We spent almost every weekend together – swimming, talking over lunches or dinners, planning Christmas dos and birthday treats. They introduced me to Thanksgiving  traditions and celebrations. There was much to give thanks to our good Lord for. They shared Independence Day celebrations with me – which included watching 1776 on the signing of the Declaration of Independence and having a BBQ indoors! Our plans included cookie parties and expeditions to restaurants that were usually interesting. These may seem pretty normal as far as life goes, but there was something that God did for me through the Bookhammers. He gave me friends who helped me process rather fractured pieces of my life that I was unable to. They had the perfect temperament, a great grasp of theology and so much love and care that helped kiss this broken soul in a way that was much needed. So I do thank God for the Bookhammers. During my weekends with them – and every bit of time that I got to spend with them, the balm of healing was poured into my wounds.

Diane and Gary – I’ve often felt the pangs of missing you since you went back to the States about a year ago. Every day, I thank God for you because while I was in a valley, He gave me you. I love you both ever so much.